Grief is personal. There is no right way to experience it, no timetable for healing, and no single thing you can say that will make it disappear. But understanding grief can help us care for ourselves and support the people we love.

Loss is part of being human, but we don't always know how to talk about it.

When someone dies, we may be unsure what to do, what to say or how to help. When we are grieving ourselves, we may wonder why we feel the way we do, why everyday tasks suddenly seem difficult, or why the loss still hurts long after the funeral.

At Critical Info, we believe that understanding death, grief and loss is part of being better prepared for life's difficult moments.

Through conversations on the Don't Be Caught Dead podcast, we have explored grief with clinical psychologists, grief counsellors, death doulas, people who have experienced profound personal loss, and professionals who have worked alongside people facing death and trauma.

Their experiences reinforce an important message: there is no right way to grieve, and no one should have to navigate loss without support.

Part 1: Understanding grief

What is grief?

Grief is a response to loss. It can affect how we feel, think, behave and relate to other people.

We often associate grief with the death of someone we love, but loss takes many forms. We may grieve a relationship that has ended, a change in our health, the loss of independence, a career that has come to an end, or the future we imagined for ourselves.

Some losses have a clear beginning and ending. Others are ongoing, with no obvious moment when we can say that something has finished.

In our podcast conversation, Linda Rowley, an ambiguous loss practitioner, described the complexity of grieving when something important has changed but the person, relationship or situation is still present. This can include changes associated with disability, illness, injury or caring for someone whose needs have changed.

We may feel sadness about what has changed while also feeling love and gratitude for what remains. These feelings can exist together.

Grief doesn't always mean someone has died. It can arise whenever something important in our lives changes or is lost.

Is there a right way to grieve?

No.

There is no universal sequence of emotions that everyone experiences, and there is no deadline by which grief should be finished.

Some people cry openly. Others find it difficult to express their feelings. One person may return to work quickly, while another struggles to manage everyday tasks. Someone may want to talk about the person who died frequently, while someone else needs time before they can speak about their loss.

None of these responses automatically means a person is grieving more or less than someone else.

In our conversation with Dr Candice Mace, a clinical psychologist and grief researcher, she challenged the idea that grief follows a predictable, linear path.

Grief can change over time. It may feel intense and overwhelming in the beginning, then become less constant. It can also return unexpectedly, sometimes years later, when a memory, anniversary, place or experience brings the loss close again.

You might feel as though you are coping one day and find yourself struggling the next.

This doesn't mean you have gone backwards. It means your relationship with the loss is continuing to evolve.

What can grief feel like?

Grief can affect people in different ways. You might experience:

• Sadness, anger, guilt, relief, confusion or numbness.

• Difficulty concentrating, remembering things or making decisions.

• Changes in sleep, appetite, energy or motivation.

• A desire to spend time alone, or a strong need for connection.

• A need to talk about the person or loss, or difficulty finding the words.

• Moments of laughter, enjoyment or ordinary life alongside sadness.

• Unexpected waves of grief triggered by memories, anniversaries or everyday experiences.

You may experience some of these feelings, all of them, or none of them. Your experience may also change over time.

Grief can be particularly complicated when a death was sudden or traumatic, when a relationship was difficult, or when there are unresolved questions or circumstances surrounding the loss.

In our conversation with Todd Maguire, a former Queensland police officer, we explored how personal grief and repeated exposure to death and trauma can affect someone long after the original events. His experience reminds us that working around death does not make someone immune to its emotional impact.

Content note: This episode discusses suicide loss and trauma.

If grief or trauma is making it difficult to care for yourself, maintain relationships or manage everyday life, seeking professional support can be an important part of looking after yourself.

Do we ever get over grief?

There is no single answer to this question.

For some people, the intensity of grief changes significantly with time. For others, the loss remains an important part of their lives, even as they return to work, build relationships, find meaning and experience happiness again.

In our conversation with Bryan Petheram, a grief counsellor, we explored how differently people respond to loss and how their experiences can change over weeks, months and years.

Christine Pedley, a grief counsellor, death doula and celebrant, who also experienced the death of her son, spoke about having to understand grief differently through her own loss.

These conversations challenge the idea that healing means forgetting, leaving someone behind or returning to exactly who we were before.

We may learn to live alongside grief rather than expecting it to disappear completely.

We can continue to love and remember someone who has died while also making room for new experiences, relationships and possibilities.

You don't have to stop grieving to begin living again.

What can help when you are grieving?

There is no formula, but some small steps may help you care for yourself.

Give yourself permission to feel what you feel. You don't need to force yourself to be positive, stay strong or respond in a particular way.

Look after your basic needs. Eating, resting, moving your body and getting some fresh air may feel difficult, but small acts of care can matter.

Let people know what you need. You may not always know what would help. You can start by telling someone you trust that you are having a difficult day.

Accept practical help. Allowing someone to cook a meal, do the shopping, help with children or accompany you to an appointment can take some pressure off.

Find ways to remember. Talking about the person who died, sharing stories, keeping photographs or maintaining meaningful traditions may help you stay connected to their memory.

Seek support when you need it. A trusted friend, grief counsellor, psychologist or bereavement support service may help you navigate the experience. You do not have to wait until things become unbearable before reaching out.

Most importantly, try not to judge your grief against someone else's.

Your experience belongs to you.

Part 2: How to support someone who is grieving

When someone we care about is grieving, it is natural to want to help. We may want to find the right words, take away their pain or make things feel normal again.

But grief isn't a problem we can solve for someone else.

As Christine Pedley explained in her podcast conversation, one of the most important things we can do is resist the urge to fix it.

We cannot undo the loss. We cannot know exactly what another person is feeling. But we can listen, offer practical help and continue to show up.

What should you say to someone who is grieving?

You don't need to have the perfect words.

Often, simple and sincere expressions of care are enough.

You might say:

• “I'm so sorry this has happened.”

• “I'm thinking of you.”

• “I don't know what to say, but I'm here.”

• “Would you like to tell me about them?”

• “You don't have to talk if you don't feel like it.”

• “I'm here to listen whenever you need me.”

If you knew the person who died, sharing a memory or saying their name can be meaningful. Many grieving people appreciate knowing that the person they loved is remembered.

You can also acknowledge that you don't know what to say. Being honest is often more helpful than trying to find a perfect response.

What should you avoid saying?

Even well-intentioned comments can leave someone feeling that their grief is being minimised or rushed.

Try to avoid statements such as:

• “Everything happens for a reason.”

• “At least they lived a long life.”

• “You need to be strong.”

• “You should be moving on by now.”

• “I know exactly how you feel.”

• “At least you have other people in your life.”

These comments may reflect a genuine desire to comfort someone, but they can unintentionally suggest that the person should feel differently about their loss.

You don't need to explain the loss, find a silver lining or make the person feel better.

You can simply acknowledge that what has happened is painful.

Offer practical help, not just “Let me know if you need anything”

When someone is grieving, even small decisions can feel exhausting. They may not have the energy to work out what they need, let alone ask someone else for help.

Instead of saying, “Let me know if there's anything I can do,” consider offering something specific.

For example:

• “I'm dropping off dinner tomorrow. Would that help?”

• “Can I pick up the children from school this week?”

• “I'm going to the supermarket. What can I get for you?”

• “Would you like me to come with you to that appointment?”

• “Can I help you make a few phone calls or organise some paperwork?”

• “Would you like company, or would you prefer some quiet time?”

After a death, there may also be practical responsibilities involving funeral arrangements, family notifications, work, finances and administration. You might be able to help with a particular task without expecting the grieving person to explain everything.

Offer help that you can realistically provide, and follow through on what you promise.

Keep showing up after the funeral

Support often arrives in the days immediately after a death. People send messages, bring food, attend the funeral and check in with the family.

But the weeks and months that follow can be difficult too.

As other people return to their routines, the person who is grieving may still be adjusting to a life that has changed completely.

Continue checking in. Remember important dates. Send a message on a birthday or anniversary. Invite the person to do something without making them feel obliged to accept.

You might say, “I'm thinking of you today. No need to reply.”

Don't assume that someone is fine because they have returned to work, started socialising or seem to be managing well. In our conversation with Rosie Batty, family violence prevention advocate and author, we explored how someone can continue functioning while carrying profound grief.

Equally, don't assume that someone wants to talk about their loss every time you see them. Give them room to experience ordinary life, laughter and connection too.

Consistency matters more than finding the perfect thing to say.

Let the grieving person lead

People have different needs, and those needs can change.

One day, someone may want to talk about the person who died. Another day, they may want a distraction or simply someone to sit beside them.

Ask rather than assume.

You might say:

• “Would talking about it help, or would you rather have a distraction?”

• “Would you like company today?”

• “Is there anything you don't want people to do or say?”

• “Would you like me to check in again later this week?”

Respect their answer, even when it differs from what you would want in the same situation.

Try not to compare their grief with someone else's, impose your beliefs about death or suggest that they should be at a particular stage by now.

You do not need to understand every part of their experience to offer compassion.

What if you are worried about someone?

Grief can be overwhelming, and some people may need more support than friends and family can provide.

If someone is struggling to manage everyday life, becoming increasingly isolated or finding it difficult to care for themselves, gently encourage them to speak with a GP, grief counsellor or mental health professional.

You can offer to help them find support or accompany them to an appointment.

If you are concerned that someone may be in immediate danger or thinking about suicide, take that concern seriously. Ask directly about their safety, stay with them if it is safe to do so, and seek urgent professional help. In Australia, call 000 in an emergency.

Supporting someone does not mean taking responsibility for fixing everything. It also matters that you look after your own wellbeing and recognise when additional support is needed.

You can connect with many support organisations in our Resource Hub, under Grief and Bereavement.

You don't have to get it right to make a difference

Supporting someone who is grieving can feel uncomfortable. You may worry about saying the wrong thing, bringing up painful memories or not knowing what to do.

You might make mistakes. You might not always understand what the person needs.

What matters is your willingness to listen, learn and remain present without putting pressure on them to feel differently.

You can bring food. You can sit quietly. You can remember the person who died. You can offer help with everyday tasks. You can check in again next week, next month or next year.

You cannot take away someone else's grief.

But you can help make sure they don't have to carry it alone.

Explore more about grief and loss

The Don't Be Caught Dead podcast features conversations with grief counsellors, psychologists, death doulas, researchers and people who have experienced profound loss. These discussions explore grief, trauma, ambiguous loss, bereavement and the many ways people learn to live with change.

Here are some episodes to explore:

• Why the Stages of Grief Were Never Meant for You — Dr Candice Mace

• The Kind of Grief Society Doesn’t Recognise — Linda Rowley

• A Grief Counsellor’s Personal and Professional Reflections on Grief and Loss — Bryan Petheram

• The Questions I Lived With After Suicide Loss — Todd Maguire

• Facing the Unfathomable – Grief, Suicide, and Living Fully After Loss — Christine Pedley

• Grief Without Permission — Rosie Batty. 

Explore all Don't Be Caught Dead podcast episodes.

What to do after someone dies

When someone dies, it can be difficult to know where to start. Our step-by-step guidance explains the first things to consider, who to contact and what may need to happen next. You do not have to work everything out today. Take one step at a time and access further support when you need it.

Read: What to Do When Someone Dies in Australia — A Step-by-Step Guide

For immediate guidance on the first 24 hours, visit the After-death website.

You can also explore the Critical Info Resource Hub to find Australian organisations and services offering grief, bereavement and other support.

You don't have to know everything. You just need to know what to do next.