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I was young and I had a funeral director
try to get me to buy a $6,000 coffin.

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It was for my grandfather.

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And she would use language like,
wouldn't you want him to be proud?

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And I'm like, oh, he is proud.

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Like he doesn't need a blingy
coffin to feel that way.

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00:00:20,520 --> 00 ... Read More

1
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I was young and I had a funeral director
try to get me to buy a $6,000 coffin.

2
00:00:09,900 --> 00:00:11,190
It was for my grandfather.

3
00:00:11,370 --> 00:00:14,370
And she would use language like,
wouldn't you want him to be proud?

4
00:00:14,370 --> 00:00:16,050
And I'm like, oh, he is proud.

5
00:00:16,050 --> 00:00:20,520
Like he doesn't need a blingy
coffin to feel that way.

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And my pot was really humble.

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He just wanted something simple.

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And I came out of that and I thought
one day I'm gonna work in that industry

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when I'm a bit older and find the
right people to work for, and I'm

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never gonna take advantage of people
in their most vulnerable moment.

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Welcome to, Don't Be Caught Dead.

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A podcast encouraging open conversations
about dying and the death of a loved one.

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I'm your host, Catherine Ashton, founder
of Critical Info, and I'm helping to

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bring your stories of death back to
life because while you may not be ready

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to die, at least you can be prepared.

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Don't be caught dead.

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Acknowledges the lands of the
Kulin Nations and recognizes their

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connection to land, sea, and community.

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We pay our respects to their elders
past, present, and emerging, and

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extend that respect to all Aboriginal
and Torres Strait Islander and First

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Nation peoples around the globe.

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Today I'm speaking with Charmaine Blanch.

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She is the founder of

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Tiare Funerals and Deathcare.

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Charmaine's purpose

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is to empower families to reclaim
death rights, and make decisions

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that are truly reflective of their
values, culture, and connections.

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With a background in event management,
catering, art therapy, and fashion,

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Charmaine brings a unique blend
of creativity, organization,

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and deep empathy to her work.

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Her goal is to offer not just a
service, but a heartfelt experience

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that reflects the uniqueness of each
individual and their loved ones.

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Guided by ancestral knowledge and
inspired by a desire to reignite old

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customs with fresh, progressive ideas.

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Charmaine is building a legacy, one that
can be passed down through generations,

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helping others find meaning, beauty,
and the empowerment in saying goodbye.

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Thank you so much for being
with us today, Charmaine.

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Oh,

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thanks for having me, Catherine.

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I've been

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quietly excited about it and um, yeah,
I can't wait to dive into all things

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deaf and dying and how we can make
it better for families out there.

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That's great.

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I love when people are
enthusiastic about talking to me.

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That's fantastic.

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Um, so tell me, how did you
get started in this space?

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I guess when I was 17 I lost my
grandparents who were pretty much

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my mother and father figures,
and that experience was, it was

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really hard at that age, and I.
Remember feeling very vulnerable.

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I was young and I think the one thing
that stuck out for me was I had a

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funeral director try to get me to buy
a $6,000 coffin, and it was for my

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grandfather, and she would use language
like, wouldn't you want him to be proud?

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And I'm like, oh, he is proud.

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Like he doesn't need a blingy
coffin to feel that way.

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And my pot was really humble.

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He just wanted something simple.

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And I came out of that and I thought
one day I'm gonna work in that

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industry when I'm a bit older and
find the right people to work for.

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And I'm never gonna take advantage of
people in their most vulnerable moments.

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And I, I really wanted, I. I guess in
starting ti, I wanted to empower families

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and make them feel like they were in
the driver's seat and just sort of be

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in the background to help guide them.

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But it would all be their ideas
and how they envisage saying

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goodbye to their loved ones.

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And was that how you felt in that moment
when you were there at a young age, sort

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of having those conversations with the
funeral director about your grandfather?

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Is that how you felt was vulnerable
and, and taken advantage of?

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Was it?

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Yeah, I did.

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I felt like I was being talked down
to, and I felt like it was all what

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they felt was best for him, not what.

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Truly reflected him.

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Like my grandfather was a very charitable
man and I know that he wouldn't have

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cared what type of coffin it was.

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As long as you know, it was
probably comfy and that's about it.

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So I just felt that one day I'll have
my chance to be there for families.

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And I think too, like
working in the deaf industry.

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A lot of people have lost people in their
lives already or at a young age, and it

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just brings this profound empathy and
you just get it when someone says, oh,

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my auntie's passed, or you just connect
with them on another level and you can

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take yourself into that zone and really
feel what they're going through and.

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Have a profound understanding.

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And so you refer to

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the fact that at one point in
time when you, you get older,

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that's what you wanted to do.

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So what was the catalyst, what was
the point in time that you thought,

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okay, now's the time to do it.

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I'm old enough.

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I've reached that point.

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What?

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What happened?

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Okay, so, um, when I was about 36, I
finally met my father for the first time.

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My mom, you know, she was cheeky back 42
years ago, had a one night thing as many

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of us do, and I was the product of that.

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I did my DNA test on ancestry, and
I found out my father lived three

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streets away from me in Redford.

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No

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way.

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Yeah, it was pretty.

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Mind blowing.

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And my auntie had done her tests
and I, I just wanted to do it to

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find out my nationality, but I
didn't realize you got DNA matches.

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And there was a person highlighted
in red and it said, this is your

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half sibling or your auntie.

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And I clicked on her phone.

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I was like, oh.

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It looks like me.

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Oh my goodness.

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And yeah, got in contact with her.

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I knew it was my auntie, and she said,
I have seven brothers and sisters.

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And she said, tell me
a bit about your mom.

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And she said, oh, I think it
might be my brother Stewart.

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And I said, where does Stewart live?

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And she said, oh,
Elizabeth Street, Redfern.

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I said, I live on Marriott Street,
Redfern, which is three streets away,

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met up with Fme New, straight away.

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Yep.

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Definitely my father did a direct
DNA test just to make sure,

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and it surely enough it was.

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And yeah, I started to learn about
my culture and I just, I'd found

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this connection to myself now.

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It was like a big missing piece
of the puzzle that just helped me

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to understand a lot of who I am.

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And I guess like the Polynesians,
they love to sail, they love fishing.

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I'll take you back to
a funny little story.

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I was up in the witch Sundays maybe.

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Three years prior to that, and I love
fishing for big mackerel and this

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one day there was no disrespect, but
sometimes I sing to the fish when

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they're not biting and I started
singing the haka, didn't know the proper

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words, but all the lines just went.

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They went off and we caught about six
macro all in one go, and we couldn't

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like get them on board fast enough.

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They were all flipping around and.

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Took them back to the island
and um, gave them out to other

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people and ate some else else.

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And then when I found out.

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Who dad was, my partner at the time said,
do you remember when you did the hucker?

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And the fish went crazy and came on board.

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And I was like, and my uncle was there
and he was like, oh my goodness, I

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need to take you to the water and
teach us about our married gods.

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And I was like, just, just helped.

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And then Wow.

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Yeah,

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I just, so what culture were you raised in
and and what were you led to believe about

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your heritage when you were growing up?

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00:08:23,385 --> 00:08:29,205
Yeah, I was, uh, raised in quite
an orthodox Catholic culture.

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Went to church every
week, even reconciliation.

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And look, I still hold some of
those values, but I would say

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I'm a non-practicing Christian.

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I'm quite spiritual now,
but I also believe that.

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All the religions and all the spiritual
aspects all have a role to play.

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And to me, I believe that anything's
possible, and maybe all of it is

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true, but I also believe religion
has been put in place to help

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with fear of where we go next.

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00:09:01,245 --> 00:09:04,215
And I think none of us
know where we go next.

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It's, it's the mystery of what happens.

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00:09:07,605 --> 00:09:11,055
But I'd like to believe that we
get to see our loved ones again.

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And that's kind of what I believe.

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00:09:14,740 --> 00:09:20,079
And so you were, you were brought up in a
quite an Anglo kind of background, was it?

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00:09:20,079 --> 00:09:25,510
And then with a Christian or Catholic
faith, and then you found out through the

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DNA testing that you had Maori heritage?

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00:09:28,689 --> 00:09:33,939
Yeah, I went on a big journey learning
about all my aunts and uncles.

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I went over to New Zealand, I
visited our land and our Urupā.

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Which, uh, graveyards where a lot
of chiefs had been buried, and

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just really got a sense for what it
would've been like for them back then.

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00:09:49,170 --> 00:09:54,960
And I just instantly felt a
connection to our land and culture.

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00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:59,790
And I've been partaking in IES ever since.

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00:09:59,790 --> 00:10:05,520
And I did my own father's tongue with
the help of a. Another funeral director,

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00:10:05,580 --> 00:10:11,040
they helped organize the body pickup and
the cremation, and we had our father at

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the hall and we washed him and had him
there on a cold plate for three days.

171
00:10:16,500 --> 00:10:25,110
And dad's funeral was just so, so family
centered and just so beautifully done.

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And so.

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Really represented him authentically and I
thought I have to somehow turn this into.

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00:10:35,925 --> 00:10:41,745
A way of giving back, but also a way
of an income for me and show families

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00:10:41,745 --> 00:10:47,385
how they can reclaim their power and
have their person in their home legally

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and do almost everything themselves.

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00:10:51,015 --> 00:10:54,075
And you know, there are some
families out there that wanna do

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absolutely everything themselves.

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Sometimes our brains are quite foggy,
and we do need the help of either a

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00:11:01,135 --> 00:11:05,635
funeral director or a funeral guide,
and that's kind of where we step in.

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00:11:05,635 --> 00:11:08,305
We can do as little or
as much as you need, so.

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And the the tangi, that's
the Maori reference to the

183
00:11:14,280 --> 00:11:15,960
funeral or the wake, is it?

184
00:11:16,230 --> 00:11:17,490
That's correct, yes.

185
00:11:18,030 --> 00:11:20,040
So it usually goes for about three days.

186
00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:26,040
Then the night before ceremony,
which is burial day, we have a

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00:11:26,040 --> 00:11:32,400
thing called, which is a circle that
could go for three hours, maybe 10

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00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:34,830
hours, and you have some mattresses.

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00:11:35,220 --> 00:11:39,060
In the middle for the kids and
everyone goes around the circle

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00:11:39,210 --> 00:11:44,069
and says a story about their loved
one, good, bad, happy, or sad.

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00:11:44,610 --> 00:11:48,870
And it means that we get to all
partake in the funeral and have

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00:11:49,140 --> 00:11:51,390
our last words with that person.

193
00:11:51,630 --> 00:11:56,190
And the person is lied out either on
a cold plate or embalmed in a coffin,

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and then we sing a song in between
every story and we dance it out.

195
00:12:00,660 --> 00:12:01,650
And you do.

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00:12:01,650 --> 00:12:04,740
You leave the night, you're tired,
but you just feel like this.

197
00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:09,210
Sense of something has come off your
shoulders and you feel like you're

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00:12:09,210 --> 00:12:11,610
ready to say goodbye to them tomorrow.

199
00:12:11,700 --> 00:12:15,630
And um, yeah, it's just a really
beautiful way of families coming together.

200
00:12:16,020 --> 00:12:22,950
And prior to your father's death, what was
your experience with death prior to that?

201
00:12:23,595 --> 00:12:25,095
I would say sterile.

202
00:12:25,395 --> 00:12:29,145
It's the coffin turns up at
the church or the chapel.

203
00:12:29,505 --> 00:12:30,855
It's usually indoors.

204
00:12:31,425 --> 00:12:36,855
You don't get to see the body out and
you don't speak about it too much.

205
00:12:37,245 --> 00:12:42,885
And you just have about an hour ceremony,
maybe an hour awake, and then you go home.

206
00:12:42,885 --> 00:12:45,375
And that's meant to be your grieving time.

207
00:12:45,435 --> 00:12:48,525
And to me that's just, it's not enough.

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00:12:48,975 --> 00:12:51,075
And I guess too, my business.

209
00:12:51,740 --> 00:12:56,030
What it's about, it's about not being
restricted to a 45 minute ceremony.

210
00:12:56,060 --> 00:12:59,840
It's about trying to do it
over a good three days if you

211
00:12:59,840 --> 00:13:03,380
can, and slow it right down.

212
00:13:03,380 --> 00:13:06,500
And that's, I think,
especially in sudden death.

213
00:13:06,950 --> 00:13:10,220
It's a really good idea to have
the cold plate at home so you can

214
00:13:10,220 --> 00:13:11,750
have some quality time with them.

215
00:13:12,870 --> 00:13:14,190
And even sleep.

216
00:13:14,250 --> 00:13:18,510
I know it sounds a little bit morbid to
some people, but sleep either side of them

217
00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:20,520
have some mattresses in the lounge room.

218
00:13:21,060 --> 00:13:25,290
And honestly, it will be one of
the best sleeps you ever have.

219
00:13:25,950 --> 00:13:31,050
And you really get to say what you
need to say to them in your own

220
00:13:31,050 --> 00:13:33,870
time, in your own personal space.

221
00:13:34,620 --> 00:13:40,290
And I feel it sets people up for a
better journey with grief down the track.

222
00:13:40,815 --> 00:13:45,825
And tell me, was that the first
time you had experienced a, a tangi

223
00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:49,935
was when you actually were involved
in, in organizing your father's?

224
00:13:50,415 --> 00:13:50,895
Yeah.

225
00:13:50,895 --> 00:13:54,105
It's, oh wait, no, we had
one other before that.

226
00:13:54,510 --> 00:13:55,954
My uncle Tommy, sorry.

227
00:13:56,220 --> 00:13:57,690
And that's where I started.

228
00:13:57,900 --> 00:14:01,860
My eyes really started to open
and I was like, these guys,

229
00:14:01,860 --> 00:14:03,990
they just know how to do death.

230
00:14:03,990 --> 00:14:04,860
Like they get it.

231
00:14:04,860 --> 00:14:05,970
Same with the Irish.

232
00:14:05,970 --> 00:14:09,990
Like they have their person at home
for three or four days and they

233
00:14:09,990 --> 00:14:12,810
don't even need to use cold plates
'cause it's so cold in Ireland.

234
00:14:12,900 --> 00:14:16,560
They just have 'em on the kitchen
bench and they drink whiskey or

235
00:14:16,560 --> 00:14:18,510
Guinness around them cups of tea.

236
00:14:18,510 --> 00:14:23,490
And you know, we need to have
our people in our homes because.

237
00:14:24,225 --> 00:14:28,875
That's where they've either lived
or they've created a home within us.

238
00:14:28,905 --> 00:14:36,315
And I think, I guess it's funny too, I
also ask people if they wanna come and

239
00:14:36,315 --> 00:14:40,365
wash their loved one with me, and some
people are too, like, oh no I don't.

240
00:14:40,454 --> 00:14:42,585
But some are like, I
didn't even think of that.

241
00:14:43,215 --> 00:14:48,225
So the way I present it is think
about if you've had a baby or you know

242
00:14:48,225 --> 00:14:52,305
someone that's had a baby and you wash
that baby for the very first time.

243
00:14:52,995 --> 00:14:55,905
That little Bubba is so delicate.

244
00:14:55,935 --> 00:14:57,225
You're so gentle.

245
00:14:57,435 --> 00:15:01,965
You make sure the water's not too
hot and you're very careful, and

246
00:15:01,965 --> 00:15:05,205
then you wrap them up in a towel and
dry them and carefully dress them.

247
00:15:05,685 --> 00:15:10,725
Well, washing your loved one that
has passed is exactly the same.

248
00:15:10,935 --> 00:15:15,585
They're just a little bit colder,
and you are just so gentle with

249
00:15:15,585 --> 00:15:19,215
them, and it's the last time and
the last intimate thing you'll do

250
00:15:19,215 --> 00:15:24,015
with that person, and it's really
special and usually it's in silence.

251
00:15:25,380 --> 00:15:28,350
To me, it's the big be all and end all.

252
00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:35,010
And the last time you'll get to touch
them in a private, like private setting

253
00:15:35,070 --> 00:15:39,000
where it's just you and your family
and it's, it's really special and

254
00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:40,320
it's something you'll never forget.

255
00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:44,280
And I think everyone should have
the right to be offered that.

256
00:15:45,345 --> 00:15:48,435
With their loved one, whether
it's at the funeral home, or you

257
00:15:48,435 --> 00:15:50,055
can do it in their home as well.

258
00:15:50,385 --> 00:15:50,805
And tell

259
00:15:50,805 --> 00:15:51,285
me,

260
00:15:51,645 --> 00:15:55,185
obviously you're, you're talking
about a very holistic and, and

261
00:15:55,185 --> 00:16:00,465
personalized approach that you
have adopted with Inari now.

262
00:16:00,735 --> 00:16:04,905
Can you talk me through how that
is unique and how you work through

263
00:16:05,115 --> 00:16:06,795
with a client when they come to you?

264
00:16:06,795 --> 00:16:12,165
So people who are perhaps unfamiliar
with what is unique about you and

265
00:16:12,165 --> 00:16:13,875
how you, you have your approach.

266
00:16:14,760 --> 00:16:19,110
To me, a holistic funeral
service is embodying the

267
00:16:19,110 --> 00:16:20,760
whole process of the funeral.

268
00:16:20,760 --> 00:16:24,600
So that means whether you have a
loved one with a diagnosis, and we

269
00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:29,250
come in beforehand and talk to you
about your wishes and what you would

270
00:16:29,250 --> 00:16:31,470
like or if it's when you call us.

271
00:16:31,860 --> 00:16:36,810
We come to you, but we let you,
we give you the choice to do

272
00:16:36,900 --> 00:16:38,520
absolutely everything with us.

273
00:16:38,520 --> 00:16:41,730
If you wanna come to the mall
to pick up your person, you can.

274
00:16:41,730 --> 00:16:44,880
If you wanna bathe your
person, address them.

275
00:16:45,540 --> 00:16:50,010
If you want to do all the artwork
for their memento cards order of

276
00:16:50,010 --> 00:16:55,620
service, you can, or we can, you can
do bits and pieces and we can help.

277
00:16:56,265 --> 00:17:01,965
So to me it's about really being in
the driver's seat and you are calling

278
00:17:01,965 --> 00:17:04,875
the shots, not us, and also looking at.

279
00:17:06,270 --> 00:17:09,209
Not everyone can afford
an expensive funeral.

280
00:17:09,209 --> 00:17:10,560
It doesn't need to be that way.

281
00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:14,459
But rather than you guys coming to
our price, we try to see where you

282
00:17:14,459 --> 00:17:16,439
are at and come down to your price.

283
00:17:17,099 --> 00:17:21,449
And you know, we make things work,
like things like a flower spray.

284
00:17:21,479 --> 00:17:23,879
It's usually around six, $700.

285
00:17:24,689 --> 00:17:25,859
It doesn't need to be that much.

286
00:17:25,859 --> 00:17:30,060
I'll bring you a flower foam
brick that you soak and there's.

287
00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:32,879
Usually lots of greenery in your yard.

288
00:17:33,570 --> 00:17:35,550
People have flowers all over the street.

289
00:17:35,550 --> 00:17:39,449
Like if you start to forage and really
look, you can make the most amazing

290
00:17:39,449 --> 00:17:45,330
flower spray out of things that have been
forage from nature, and it's all for free.

291
00:17:45,689 --> 00:17:49,169
So there's little things like
that where you can cut costs

292
00:17:49,169 --> 00:17:52,465
and it doesn't need to be this.

293
00:17:53,669 --> 00:17:54,659
Huge expense.

294
00:17:55,439 --> 00:18:00,209
And you mentioned the cooling plate,
so some people may be unfamiliar

295
00:18:00,209 --> 00:18:04,620
with what that is and how that allows
people to extend their time with

296
00:18:04,620 --> 00:18:06,120
their loved one within the home.

297
00:18:06,480 --> 00:18:09,179
Could you perhaps talk
through that for me as well?

298
00:18:10,050 --> 00:18:10,409
Yeah, sure.

299
00:18:10,409 --> 00:18:15,810
So a cooling plate takes away
the need to embalm a person.

300
00:18:16,199 --> 00:18:21,989
Embalming these days can cost anywhere
between six 50 to about $3,000.

301
00:18:22,919 --> 00:18:28,260
Yes, it's probably needed in repatriation
because we don't know how long that

302
00:18:28,260 --> 00:18:30,000
person's gonna be in the air for.

303
00:18:30,929 --> 00:18:39,060
But a cool plate costs about $150 to
hire, and it's eco-friendly, as in we're

304
00:18:39,060 --> 00:18:43,469
not putting from high into the person and
we're not taking any blood out of them.

305
00:18:44,355 --> 00:18:45,885
That's what happens in embalming.

306
00:18:45,885 --> 00:18:50,145
So if you decide to have a natural
burial, you would use a cold plate.

307
00:18:50,835 --> 00:18:55,395
It's doesn't make a noise, it just
sits in the coffin, but keeps that

308
00:18:55,395 --> 00:19:00,045
body nice and cool so that you
can have them in the home and.

309
00:19:00,585 --> 00:19:04,065
Sometimes if it's a really hot summer,
you'd put a bit of techno ice on

310
00:19:04,065 --> 00:19:07,875
them, which are just sheets of ice
that we put in your freezer that

311
00:19:07,875 --> 00:19:10,275
you keep changing every 24 hours.

312
00:19:11,145 --> 00:19:16,275
But yeah, it just takes away the need
for embalming and to me, like it's really

313
00:19:16,275 --> 00:19:21,975
eco-friendly and it's efficient and I
feel like to me it's the way forward.

314
00:19:21,975 --> 00:19:25,935
They sell these plates in Holland,
so they do a lot of funerals.

315
00:19:27,975 --> 00:19:30,735
No one at the moment is
selling them in Australia.

316
00:19:30,735 --> 00:19:31,665
That makes them here.

317
00:19:31,965 --> 00:19:35,295
So there's anyone out there
that's, there's, there's a

318
00:19:35,295 --> 00:19:36,345
business for someone isn't

319
00:19:38,530 --> 00:19:38,820
have,

320
00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:41,380
but um.

321
00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:48,419
Yeah, it's, it's a great idea to use
or you can just use normal households.

322
00:19:49,139 --> 00:19:52,139
Like if you really wanna have
your person at home and do it all

323
00:19:52,139 --> 00:19:58,830
yourself, you can freeze bottles of
ice and use that for up to five days.

324
00:19:58,889 --> 00:20:03,270
You can get an extension for 10 days
from New South Wales or Queensland

325
00:20:03,270 --> 00:20:04,740
Health, whoever you're going through.

326
00:20:05,490 --> 00:20:08,490
Yeah, you just gotta keep that
body nice and cold, that's all.

327
00:20:09,389 --> 00:20:10,379
It's pretty easy.

328
00:20:11,115 --> 00:20:14,595
And what sort of, um, now
you've established and found

329
00:20:14,595 --> 00:20:16,814
your cultural heritage.

330
00:20:17,595 --> 00:20:22,905
What sort of things have you then embedded
into your practices within your business

331
00:20:22,905 --> 00:20:27,195
and, and what you offer that are sort
of based in those Maori traditions?

332
00:20:28,064 --> 00:20:36,375
Yeah, I'd say we do offer, we don't
call it, but we do offer a night before

333
00:20:36,375 --> 00:20:39,585
the ceremony to do a sharing circle.

334
00:20:41,655 --> 00:20:46,785
And we have my uncle, he plays ukulele
and guitar and he's really good at just,

335
00:20:47,445 --> 00:20:51,345
you know, you tell him a song and he can
strum along to it and everyone sings.

336
00:20:51,345 --> 00:20:52,995
So we can incorporate that.

337
00:20:53,835 --> 00:20:56,235
We incorporate obviously
having your loved one at home.

338
00:20:57,135 --> 00:21:00,825
We can incorporate flower
weaving and flower lays.

339
00:21:01,155 --> 00:21:06,255
A lot of women like to get flower
crowns made for their final journey

340
00:21:07,095 --> 00:21:09,225
and you can have them around you.

341
00:21:09,795 --> 00:21:15,195
We also incorporate having grief circles,
and I feel like in Polynesian culture.

342
00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:20,649
You do, you get together in circles
to grieve together and talk.

343
00:21:20,649 --> 00:21:25,120
And so I guess the whole business
is kind of based loosely on that,

344
00:21:25,180 --> 00:21:28,270
but in more modern ways and yeah.

345
00:21:28,965 --> 00:21:32,804
And tell me how have you found
people responding when you,

346
00:21:32,804 --> 00:21:34,334
you've provided these offerings?

347
00:21:34,395 --> 00:21:38,534
You mentioned that the business has been
running for just over 12 months now.

348
00:21:38,865 --> 00:21:43,245
And, and how have you found people
within the community coming to you,

349
00:21:43,274 --> 00:21:47,205
what have they found that's has
drawn them to you as opposed to

350
00:21:47,235 --> 00:21:49,905
other service providers in the area?

351
00:21:50,460 --> 00:21:54,720
I think how I get a lot of my customers
is they're looking for something

352
00:21:54,780 --> 00:22:01,080
more natural and I guess eco-friendly
and I guess slowed down as well.

353
00:22:01,260 --> 00:22:05,250
A lot of people haven't really
considered that they could wash their

354
00:22:05,250 --> 00:22:10,712
loved one with me or at their home,
and sometimes at first they can be.

355
00:22:11,175 --> 00:22:15,825
A bit like, oh, I don't know if I wanna
do that, but I can guarantee you every

356
00:22:15,825 --> 00:22:23,415
family that has done that has come out and
said, I just feel so put back together.

357
00:22:23,415 --> 00:22:26,175
And I just feel like I've
had a bit of closure.

358
00:22:26,835 --> 00:22:30,420
And for me personally, they
say it's quite healing.

359
00:22:30,840 --> 00:22:34,755
So I feel like only positive
things come out of that.

360
00:22:34,755 --> 00:22:40,065
And, and like I said before, whether
it's a baby or your past loved one, it's.

361
00:22:40,635 --> 00:22:45,375
One of the most special and sacred
moments you can have with that person.

362
00:22:46,455 --> 00:22:50,145
It's one of those classic things of
you don't know what you don't know.

363
00:22:50,145 --> 00:22:56,235
So if you've first time to, to be involved
in something like this, it's great that

364
00:22:56,235 --> 00:22:58,095
they actually have, you know, options.

365
00:22:58,095 --> 00:23:02,025
And like, I think you've used the
word quite often is, is choices.

366
00:23:02,085 --> 00:23:06,165
You've given them choices about whether
they would like to do that or not.

367
00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:08,970
Which is, is something
that's quite interesting.

368
00:23:09,450 --> 00:23:12,090
Can you tell me a little bit
more about the sitting with grief

369
00:23:12,090 --> 00:23:14,160
circles and what that involves?

370
00:23:14,910 --> 00:23:15,780
Yeah, sure.

371
00:23:15,990 --> 00:23:21,780
Um, so when we have a funeral, we're
there for our people 24 7, but then.

372
00:23:22,635 --> 00:23:26,235
When their funeral's over, we
obviously are moving on to other

373
00:23:26,235 --> 00:23:29,985
ones and we can still answer the
phone to them or call them back.

374
00:23:30,645 --> 00:23:35,595
But I find the grief circles a
really nice way to still stay

375
00:23:35,595 --> 00:23:37,035
connected with those families.

376
00:23:37,425 --> 00:23:44,205
And what happens in death is in that two
weeks leading up to the funeral or the few

377
00:23:44,205 --> 00:23:49,035
days, people are kind of around for two
weeks after, but then you know they have

378
00:23:49,035 --> 00:23:51,105
to go back to their jobs and their life.

379
00:23:51,900 --> 00:23:57,270
Whether it be with kids or looking
after elderly people, and it's not that

380
00:23:57,270 --> 00:23:59,400
they forget what just happened to you.

381
00:23:59,460 --> 00:24:03,330
They're just not on the same
plane as you are, and that is

382
00:24:03,330 --> 00:24:05,580
that really deep, heavy grief.

383
00:24:05,580 --> 00:24:11,850
And I find that if people can find other
people on the same trajectory as them.

384
00:24:12,450 --> 00:24:16,320
Then it's easier to connect on a
human level, and that's sort of what

385
00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:20,430
happens at the grief circles and
they form friendships from that.

386
00:24:20,430 --> 00:24:23,940
But it's also a nice way to come in.

387
00:24:24,270 --> 00:24:29,370
Sometimes we have like sound healings
or dance movement, or it might be

388
00:24:29,370 --> 00:24:35,760
like a homopathic workshop or a
flower weaving type thing, and that

389
00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:37,860
helps to reset the nervous system.

390
00:24:38,504 --> 00:24:41,805
Feel calm, then we can
talk about what's going on.

391
00:24:41,985 --> 00:24:45,375
And you know, there's no
advice given in these circles.

392
00:24:45,375 --> 00:24:52,365
It's just a platform to talk openly,
feel listened to, and walk away

393
00:24:52,365 --> 00:24:55,545
from it and just feel like you've
gotten some things off your chest.

394
00:24:55,635 --> 00:24:57,705
And then we share a meal afterwards and.

395
00:24:59,610 --> 00:25:04,830
All our facilitators that come in, we
do pay them, but we offer the circles

396
00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:10,919
for free to everyone, which I think is a
really important thing to do because it's

397
00:25:10,919 --> 00:25:12,870
all about community at the end of the day.

398
00:25:12,870 --> 00:25:17,115
And I would say I. Polynesian
people, that's what they love.

399
00:25:17,115 --> 00:25:21,885
They love to support their community,
and that's a way we give back to our

400
00:25:21,885 --> 00:25:27,555
community and, and I do feel that it
really helps with the long grief process

401
00:25:27,795 --> 00:25:32,505
because once you're on that grief train,
you are unfortunately not hopping off.

402
00:25:33,015 --> 00:25:36,465
But the train ride does get a
little bit easier down the track.

403
00:25:38,010 --> 00:25:39,600
It's so, um, interesting.

404
00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:45,689
It seems that you've certainly embedded
that, that peer support and that community

405
00:25:45,810 --> 00:25:51,750
sense within the offerings that you
provide within your service, and you also

406
00:25:51,750 --> 00:25:53,580
trained as a death doller, didn't you?

407
00:25:53,610 --> 00:25:56,040
Before you became a, a funeral director?

408
00:25:56,220 --> 00:25:59,485
No, I didn't train as a. Deaf doula.

409
00:25:59,625 --> 00:26:00,365
Um, oh, okay.

410
00:26:00,465 --> 00:26:06,090
But I do believe we do have a couple
of deaf doulas that work for us, and,

411
00:26:06,090 --> 00:26:11,669
but I do, I believe we're all doulas in
some sense, like, especially women, like

412
00:26:12,030 --> 00:26:14,520
we're just born with caring natures.

413
00:26:15,300 --> 00:26:18,270
A lot of us do do caring type roles.

414
00:26:18,330 --> 00:26:23,340
And yeah, I think the purpose
of a def doer to me is to come

415
00:26:23,340 --> 00:26:24,840
in and help with all those.

416
00:26:25,185 --> 00:26:28,125
Things on the peripheral,
like legal paperwork.

417
00:26:28,335 --> 00:26:34,035
It might be cleaning up, it might just
be a listening ear or a helping hand,

418
00:26:34,665 --> 00:26:39,825
but they're sort of people that can kind
of see from the outside in what needs

419
00:26:39,825 --> 00:26:41,895
to be done and what can be helped with.

420
00:26:41,895 --> 00:26:49,004
And a lot of it is intuition based, so I
don't believe we also need to do courses.

421
00:26:49,350 --> 00:26:50,190
To be a deaf doer.

422
00:26:50,669 --> 00:26:56,970
But I do think when it comes to legal
paperwork, it's really great idea to do

423
00:26:57,090 --> 00:27:02,580
executive courses out there, to understand
how big the process is for people.

424
00:27:02,580 --> 00:27:06,180
Because navigating that
field, it's a minefield.

425
00:27:06,540 --> 00:27:11,520
And, um, if you can, as a deaf
doer, make that job for them just

426
00:27:11,520 --> 00:27:16,770
a little bit easier, then I think
that's a really positive thing.

427
00:27:17,399 --> 00:27:23,070
So tell me, how do you think that your
event management skills have played such

428
00:27:23,070 --> 00:27:25,800
a role in, in what you are doing now?

429
00:27:26,159 --> 00:27:33,540
I just feel like, you know, as you would
know, organizing events, like you've gotta

430
00:27:33,600 --> 00:27:35,845
be quick on your feet, you've gotta be.

431
00:27:36,885 --> 00:27:41,805
Have a sharp mind and you know, be able to
see what's gonna happen before it happens.

432
00:27:41,805 --> 00:27:46,005
So it doesn't, whether that's a good or
bad thing and just, you gotta be really

433
00:27:46,005 --> 00:27:52,785
organized and you know, you are also
managing people a little bit and you

434
00:27:52,785 --> 00:27:55,965
are managing sometimes big emotions.

435
00:27:56,505 --> 00:28:02,445
So trying to help that process just
be a little bit easier on them and you

436
00:28:02,445 --> 00:28:05,355
know, or something blows up, you wanna.

437
00:28:06,060 --> 00:28:12,030
Be ready to just make sure, I guess, that
you're organized and that you have things

438
00:28:12,030 --> 00:28:14,610
in place to help in those situations.

439
00:28:14,610 --> 00:28:18,930
But yeah, it's definitely fast
paced, but I think bring it

440
00:28:18,930 --> 00:28:21,000
all together and then leaving.

441
00:28:21,265 --> 00:28:25,500
I. Afterwards and just feeling like,
oh, I feel like we did a really good

442
00:28:25,500 --> 00:28:29,610
job, is, um, really rewarding in itself

443
00:28:30,419 --> 00:28:33,750
because, you know, it, the fact
is, as you mentioned, you're not

444
00:28:33,750 --> 00:28:35,909
offering a 45 minute service.

445
00:28:36,179 --> 00:28:38,879
You're offering something
that can extend for days.

446
00:28:38,879 --> 00:28:43,379
So what do you do to make sure that
you take care of yourself during this?

447
00:28:43,379 --> 00:28:45,840
What's your self-care practices?

448
00:28:46,290 --> 00:28:47,370
Going to bed early.

449
00:28:47,909 --> 00:28:49,470
No drinking through the week.

450
00:28:50,760 --> 00:28:58,290
I try to get up and go see the sunrise as
many mornings as I can, and not while I've

451
00:28:58,740 --> 00:29:01,830
got ceremonies or funerals pending, but.

452
00:29:02,550 --> 00:29:05,459
Once I have a small break,
I always go for a massage.

453
00:29:06,000 --> 00:29:07,350
That's my big thing.

454
00:29:08,159 --> 00:29:14,129
And yet you do, you have to really fill
up your cup because if you don't do enough

455
00:29:14,129 --> 00:29:16,679
self-care, you can't give to others.

456
00:29:16,679 --> 00:29:19,020
And I think that's really important.

457
00:29:19,020 --> 00:29:20,639
And you know, you've gotta.

458
00:29:21,240 --> 00:29:25,440
Prep your meals, because if you are
eating crap on the road while you're

459
00:29:25,440 --> 00:29:30,210
going from family to family, you are
not looking after yourself inside.

460
00:29:30,210 --> 00:29:34,440
So I always make sure I've got,
I'm taking food to wherever I'm

461
00:29:34,440 --> 00:29:37,260
going, and I'm prepared in that way.

462
00:29:37,260 --> 00:29:37,440
So.

463
00:29:37,725 --> 00:29:41,264
It cuts out the need for
snacking and things like that.

464
00:29:41,655 --> 00:29:44,084
That's so interesting you say that
because yeah, that's the one thing

465
00:29:44,084 --> 00:29:48,645
that I think people is the first thing
to go is, is what you're putting.

466
00:29:48,645 --> 00:29:51,465
The food that you're putting in, the
nourishment that you're putting into

467
00:29:51,465 --> 00:29:56,054
your body is that you just keep going and
going and you forget to fuel yourself.

468
00:29:56,054 --> 00:29:58,905
So that is very, very good at advice.

469
00:29:59,205 --> 00:30:02,475
And moving on to the, the,
you mentioned about the sound

470
00:30:02,475 --> 00:30:04,334
healing that you have, you also.

471
00:30:04,925 --> 00:30:07,534
Talk about breath work meditation.

472
00:30:08,105 --> 00:30:14,524
What role do you think that that has
in allowing people to grieve and feel

473
00:30:14,524 --> 00:30:17,135
supported during these challenging times?

474
00:30:17,855 --> 00:30:23,020
I think sound healing, breath work,
and meditation, all these things help

475
00:30:23,120 --> 00:30:27,020
to reset and calm our nervous systems.

476
00:30:28,030 --> 00:30:33,520
It's not gonna remove grief, but if
we can take moments out to do these

477
00:30:33,520 --> 00:30:41,560
little things in our day, it just helps
to not make that really heavy grief.

478
00:30:42,090 --> 00:30:45,390
Feel so big and it gives
us moments away from grief.

479
00:30:45,390 --> 00:30:50,310
'cause I, I'd say like when you're in
that really hard part of grief, the

480
00:30:50,310 --> 00:30:54,810
only thing really that helps is when
you go to sleep because you switch off.

481
00:30:54,810 --> 00:30:56,100
You don't have to think about it.

482
00:30:56,100 --> 00:30:59,280
But sometimes people can't
sleep through these moments.

483
00:30:59,850 --> 00:31:04,050
But if you can incorporate either
sound, healing, breath work,

484
00:31:04,710 --> 00:31:09,090
or a bit of meditation, it's
gonna help calm your mind when.

485
00:31:09,810 --> 00:31:16,650
It's running wild and um, I think it's
just they're great things to incorporate

486
00:31:16,650 --> 00:31:18,720
it into your everyday life if you can.

487
00:31:18,870 --> 00:31:23,879
And obviously we do them as at grief
circles and we can teach people how

488
00:31:23,879 --> 00:31:29,460
to do themselves in their own home so
that they can, you know, when they're

489
00:31:29,460 --> 00:31:35,610
feeling quite anxious, they can go,
okay, let's put on that video where it

490
00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:38,254
guides me through the breath work or.

491
00:31:39,030 --> 00:31:43,260
The meditation and it just
makes a better relationship

492
00:31:43,260 --> 00:31:45,300
again with your grief journey.

493
00:31:46,050 --> 00:31:50,280
It seems to be this level
of self-empowerment and also

494
00:31:50,280 --> 00:31:53,730
choice that seemed to be at the
center of the work that you do.

495
00:31:53,760 --> 00:31:59,220
When I hear you talk, you're mentioning
how you see how people can have the

496
00:31:59,220 --> 00:32:03,270
skills to create their own flower
arrangements through foraging.

497
00:32:03,540 --> 00:32:07,980
You're looking at how they can incorporate
breath work into their everyday practices.

498
00:32:08,970 --> 00:32:09,930
It is really.

499
00:32:10,170 --> 00:32:13,830
Providing a service that is so
much more than just a funeral.

500
00:32:14,280 --> 00:32:16,290
Where do you think this comes from?

501
00:32:16,350 --> 00:32:20,250
Has it come from your new found
heritage or do you think it

502
00:32:20,250 --> 00:32:21,750
was qualities that you had?

503
00:32:22,230 --> 00:32:26,610
When you refer to your grandparents
and you, how fondly you talk

504
00:32:26,610 --> 00:32:29,520
about them, is that something
that they instilled in you or,

505
00:32:30,420 --> 00:32:31,620
yeah, definitely.

506
00:32:31,620 --> 00:32:34,260
My grandparents, they were superhuman.

507
00:32:35,190 --> 00:32:38,430
I feel, I'm, I'm even getting
a little bit teary talking.

508
00:32:40,485 --> 00:32:45,615
They were both such shining lights
in my life, and what I loved most

509
00:32:45,615 --> 00:32:50,324
about them was they were the most
selfless people I'd ever met, and

510
00:32:50,925 --> 00:32:54,195
they just did everything for everyone.

511
00:32:54,344 --> 00:32:57,135
My grandma worked for St. Vincent DePaul.

512
00:32:58,080 --> 00:33:02,550
My pop at the time was a retired
policeman, and I remember going on

513
00:33:02,550 --> 00:33:07,139
little car trips around to people's
houses and my nan, she would have a

514
00:33:07,139 --> 00:33:11,370
quota of how much she could give each
family that was struggling, but she

515
00:33:11,370 --> 00:33:15,060
would come out to my grandfather and
be like, they need more money for this,

516
00:33:15,689 --> 00:33:19,439
and he would open up his wallet and give
her a hundred dollars note to take in.

517
00:33:19,814 --> 00:33:24,465
To them to give them for food or
electricity or whatever they needed.

518
00:33:24,465 --> 00:33:26,804
And they never fought twice about it.

519
00:33:26,804 --> 00:33:28,185
They just did it.

520
00:33:28,665 --> 00:33:34,245
And even when I was, um, wrapping up
their affairs, like all the mail, it was

521
00:33:34,425 --> 00:33:39,554
charity after charity after charity, Mr.
Blanch, it's that time of year again.

522
00:33:39,640 --> 00:33:41,620
Do you think you could
donate to our charity?

523
00:33:41,620 --> 00:33:43,810
And I was like, who were
you not donating to?

524
00:33:43,810 --> 00:33:45,670
They would've been billionaires, I reckon.

525
00:33:46,510 --> 00:33:50,980
But what it taught me was, you
know, there's always someone

526
00:33:51,160 --> 00:33:53,290
that's far worse off than yourself.

527
00:33:54,100 --> 00:33:56,800
And when you can put
that into perspective.

528
00:33:57,270 --> 00:34:02,910
It helps you to have empathy for
others, and I feel like what they

529
00:34:02,910 --> 00:34:08,310
instilled in me really helps me in
my work today, and I know they'd

530
00:34:08,310 --> 00:34:10,710
be super proud of what I'm doing.

531
00:34:10,710 --> 00:34:13,920
And yeah, we're not all
about making profit.

532
00:34:13,920 --> 00:34:18,870
We're about making really heartfelt
experiences for people that they

533
00:34:18,870 --> 00:34:23,550
will remember and they will be
able to go home and hopefully.

534
00:34:24,194 --> 00:34:27,074
Have a better journey afterwards,

535
00:34:27,734 --> 00:34:32,924
and it seems to be that community
that you're trying to create as well.

536
00:34:32,924 --> 00:34:36,344
So there's a support network
afterwards that seems to be

537
00:34:36,344 --> 00:34:38,234
key in what you offer as well.

538
00:34:38,670 --> 00:34:43,529
Definitely I, I don't think I would've
ever gotten away from community 'cause

539
00:34:43,529 --> 00:34:48,960
it was instilled from my grandparents,
but then my aunties and uncles on my

540
00:34:48,960 --> 00:34:51,989
dad's side, they're so community people.

541
00:34:52,170 --> 00:34:59,490
So I, I feel by nature and by nurture,
I am just a community driven person and

542
00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:02,580
I just love to be able to set up things.

543
00:35:03,765 --> 00:35:07,575
Show people how they can make
things better within their own

544
00:35:07,575 --> 00:35:12,825
community rather than, I would never
wanna work on a big state level.

545
00:35:12,825 --> 00:35:15,045
I'd only wanna work
within my own community.

546
00:35:15,075 --> 00:35:19,725
'cause I feel like with grassroots
approach, that's where small things can

547
00:35:19,725 --> 00:35:24,285
become bigger and it can spread, but
it can also teach people how to do it

548
00:35:24,285 --> 00:35:26,775
in their community and so on and so on.

549
00:35:27,585 --> 00:35:31,005
And what do you see as the,
the future for Tiare Funerals?

550
00:35:31,590 --> 00:35:33,330
Oh gosh, that's a tough one.

551
00:35:33,540 --> 00:35:40,350
Um, I never wanna get too big
for my boots, but I would like to

552
00:35:40,740 --> 00:35:43,080
rather than make it into a massive.

553
00:35:43,680 --> 00:35:44,970
Nationwide company.

554
00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:51,240
I'd like to teach people how they can
either do their own funerals or how they

555
00:35:51,240 --> 00:35:56,430
can set up their own business to help
others in the same way and give back.

556
00:35:56,430 --> 00:36:00,000
And I mean, there's other
funeral places out there.

557
00:36:00,120 --> 00:36:02,580
I don't know if you've heard
of Tender Funerals, but they're

558
00:36:02,580 --> 00:36:06,060
very community driven and they've
got lots of volunteers and.

559
00:36:07,125 --> 00:36:08,595
I'd love to do something like that.

560
00:36:08,595 --> 00:36:09,285
I think.

561
00:36:09,855 --> 00:36:14,355
I think it's a great way to give
back to the community and you know,

562
00:36:14,355 --> 00:36:19,005
people are still employed by it,
but we are not charging people

563
00:36:19,005 --> 00:36:21,075
ridiculous amounts for funerals.

564
00:36:21,675 --> 00:36:24,945
Well, that looks like an, an
amazing vision for the future.

565
00:36:25,425 --> 00:36:26,925
Is there anything else that you'd like to

566
00:36:26,925 --> 00:36:28,365
share with us today, Charmaine?

567
00:36:28,755 --> 00:36:31,425
Um, gosh, what else?

568
00:36:31,845 --> 00:36:33,525
I can't think of anything at the moment.

569
00:36:34,710 --> 00:36:39,420
But, um, yeah, I just feel very honored
to be here talking to you today.

570
00:36:40,230 --> 00:36:45,420
And yeah, I, I love all our clients
that come in and out of our door

571
00:36:45,420 --> 00:36:50,070
and if anyone ever needs to call us,
'cause they wanna be able to know how

572
00:36:50,070 --> 00:36:52,560
to do their own funeral, please do.

573
00:36:52,560 --> 00:36:54,900
And we'll give you half an
hour of our time for free.

574
00:36:55,890 --> 00:36:56,640
And, uh.

575
00:36:57,660 --> 00:37:00,270
Hopefully I see more of
you at our grief circle.

576
00:37:00,270 --> 00:37:05,040
Our grief circle's also open to people
that have not done a funeral with us.

577
00:37:05,040 --> 00:37:11,189
We, we invite everyone from the community,
so yeah, come along and share your story.

578
00:37:11,609 --> 00:37:14,370
And what areas do you cover
for those who are listening?

579
00:37:15,149 --> 00:37:19,950
Uh, we cover Sunshine Coast
down to Ballina and we will

580
00:37:19,950 --> 00:37:22,620
do the odd funeral in Sydney.

581
00:37:22,799 --> 00:37:24,060
Yeah, so that's.

582
00:37:25,154 --> 00:37:27,345
And we go inland about three hours.

583
00:37:27,345 --> 00:37:29,600
So, um, if we need to, that's,

584
00:37:29,600 --> 00:37:31,964
that's still a really
large geographic area.

585
00:37:32,565 --> 00:37:38,895
It's, but you know, we're able to do
that at the moment until we get, I

586
00:37:38,895 --> 00:37:42,975
mean, but you know, the more busier
we get, the more people we can put

587
00:37:42,975 --> 00:37:48,944
on and have servicing those sections
that if we have to do two at once.

588
00:37:48,944 --> 00:37:50,024
So yeah.

589
00:37:51,945 --> 00:37:55,365
We have an office, it's in
Mogul up near Brisbane too.

590
00:37:55,455 --> 00:38:01,485
So we're in Chira in New South Wales
border and then up in Mogul near Brisbane.

591
00:38:01,485 --> 00:38:01,665
So.

592
00:38:03,405 --> 00:38:07,635
Well, it sounds like that you are
certainly making community in those

593
00:38:07,635 --> 00:38:11,745
areas and creating a, a support
network that's well and truly needed.

594
00:38:11,745 --> 00:38:15,675
So thank you so much for sharing,
you know, some insight to the

595
00:38:15,675 --> 00:38:16,935
amazing work that you are doing.

596
00:38:17,625 --> 00:38:20,205
Oh, thank you Catherine,
and thank you for your time.

597
00:38:20,625 --> 00:38:21,680
Thank you so much, Charmaine.

598
00:38:25,005 --> 00:38:28,455
We hope you enjoyed today's
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599
00:38:28,755 --> 00:38:30,495
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600
00:38:31,245 --> 00:38:35,505
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601
00:38:35,505 --> 00:38:37,365
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602
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