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Even now, after 20 plus years for me, I
still find it a real honour and privilege

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that people choose us to look after their
loved one and ensure that the funeral

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or the send off is what they would want.

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So it is still now a real
honour and privilege to look

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after every funeral we do.

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Welcome to Don't Be Caught Dead, a
podcast encouragi                        ... Read More
                    

                

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Even now, after 20 plus years for me, I
still find it a real honour and privilege

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00:00:09,790 --> 00:00:19,970
that people choose us to look after their
loved one and ensure that the funeral

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or the send off is what they would want.

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00:00:23,060 --> 00:00:27,599
So it is still now a real
honour and privilege to look

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00:00:27,600 --> 00:00:28,870
after every funeral we do.

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Welcome to Don't Be Caught Dead, a
podcast encouraging open conversations

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00:00:36,810 --> 00:00:39,190
about dying and the death of a loved one.

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I'm your host, Catherine Ashton, founder
of Critical Info, and I'm helping to

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00:00:44,710 --> 00:00:47,209
bring your stories of death back to life.

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Because while you may not be ready
to die, at least you can be prepared.

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Don't Be Caught Dead acknowledges
the lands of the Kulin Nations

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and recognises their connection
to land, sea and community.

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We pay our respects to their Elders,
past, present and emerging and extend

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that respect to all Aboriginal and
Torres Strait Islander and First

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Nation peoples around the globe.

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Bradley Lett is a Funeral Director in
the regional city of Sale, Victoria.

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He and his wife, Rachel, run Barry and
Annette Lett Funeral Directors, a locally

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owned and operated family business that
was established by his parents in 1995.

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Bradley is a father to two children and
cheers from the sidelines at many of their

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cricket, basketball and netball games.

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They are members of the Australian
Funeral Directors Association,

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and this is Bradley's story about
inheriting a family run funeral home.

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Thanks for joining us, Bradley.

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You're welcome.

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Your website notes that in February
2023, we mourned the loss of Annette

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Lett after a two year battle with cancer.

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Barry Lett sadly passed away in November
2020 after suffering from Parkinson's

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disease for a number of years.

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They will be remembered for
their dedication to Gippsland.

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Now Brad, Barry and
Annette were your parents.

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What was it like growing up with parents
running a local funeral business?

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For It was very different, but I
do think the funeral industry was

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very different back then as well.

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Probably a lot more, not secretive,
but quiet and not as spoken about.

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I think probably the biggest things
were we found we didn't get too far

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from home with no mobile phones and,
and dad being on call a lot of the time.

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So probably the restrictions of travel.

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And getting away from home was probably
the biggest thing that I remember.

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So, no trips to Queensland or holidays of,
of, you know, long duration, I'm assuming?

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Very few and far between.

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Uh, probably the biggest one was
Lakes Entrance, which is probably

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continues on through our family as well,
but, uh, very few in long distance.

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And tell me, when you were at school, did
the other kids know what your parents did?

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Yes, they would have, but
again, it wasn't spoken about.

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From my memory, no.

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You're okay.

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And you then moved into the
same profession as your parents.

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Did you ever want to, at some stage
during your teenage years, want to

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follow another path or was this all

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predestined?

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Definitely not predestined.

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Uh, and to be honest, never
had any intentions at all.

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in joining the family business.

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On leaving school, I started an
apprenticeship as a fitter and turner

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and then went through a few other jobs.

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And it was only a phone call from
mum in April of 2000 and asking

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me to come and work with them.

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And the decision was made from that
phone call to come and join them.

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And what was the incident or
catalyst that, that motivated

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that phone call from your mum?

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I think for her, it was Ensuring that
it continued to be a family business

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and I thought she liked the idea of
that and having mum, dad and I together.

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And what was it that she, do you
think that was the thing that

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she wanted to keep together and
keep moving on within the family?

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What do you think she valued
about running the funeral home?

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I think

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for both mum and dad, the, the biggest
thing for them was giving, I'll

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say, good service to the community
and, and I think importantly for

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her, it was for our family, knowing
families that we were dealing with.

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And just that connection between families.

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And how is that?

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Like, because being in, you know,
Sale is not that small, but it's

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really small enough that you do really
know a lot of the people that must

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come through to use your services.

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How is that?

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It's, it's tough in, that it's close to
home sometimes, but it's also nice in

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knowing the people that you're dealing
with and making sure that you can do

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everything possible to, to arrange a
funeral that is in with their wishes.

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So it certainly is almost a
double edged sword, but overall,

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I think it's a nice thing knowing
people that walk through the door.

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And yes, we do know lots of
families that we do deal with.

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Well, I know that, uh, you've,
you're, you're our personal, uh,

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funeral director with our family.

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You've certainly, you know, organized
many funerals, uh, in, in our

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family, uh, from my grandparents
right through to my father, you

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know, roughly 10 years ago now.

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And what is the qualities that
you think that a local funeral

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home brings to a community?

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I think the biggest quality is It's
probably knowing people, giving people or

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families more time than you may get from
a busier funeral service in Melbourne, and

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just making sure that every service is.

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Personalised to each family because
everyone is so different and I

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think that's the biggest quality.

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And, because of your staff, how many
staff do you have on here now?

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Uh, so there's myself and Rachel, we
have Stephen who is a funeral director's

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assistant and Coral and I in the
office, and then another couple of

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part time staff that come to funerals
in Gary Shuback and Annette Dwyer.

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So that's a, quite a close knit team then.

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It

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is, yep, it

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really is.

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And so, that is certainly something
that would be different from what people

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would experience in a metropolitan
area, perhaps, is that consistency

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of staff and knowing that they're,
they're going to have that staff.

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Yeah,

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I think so.

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And even, I think, As mourners attend a
funeral, I think for people to know most

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of our staff as they arrive, I think
is in some ways a comforting thing.

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Instead of a strange face, they might
have a quick chat or ask how they're

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going and I think that eases even
the mourners coming to funerals.

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Now going back to your childhood, did
you have to help your parents in the

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funeral home at all, like after, after
school or anything along that line?

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Uh, no, not on a regular basis.

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Probably only have really one or two
memories of, at probably the age of

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maybe 16 or 17 going to help dad at a
service with Gippsland Funeral Services,

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but certainly not on a regular basis.

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No.

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Okay.

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So you, you weren't folding,
you know, funeral programs or

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anything like that as a kid then?

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No.

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And what are your, some of your, your
clear memories from that time when

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you were, you know, Forging your own
career as a fitter and turner, and,

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and what were your memories and your
thoughts about your parents, you

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know, having the business as an adult?

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I will say the forging of career
as a fitter and turner probably

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wasn't true in some ways.

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My first job was to
really get out of school.

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So I took something to get out
of school and certainly wasn't

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overly passionate about that.

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And probably being a teenager didn't
give a great deal of thought to

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what mum and dad did and probably
the seriousness of that, um, and

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probably that the seriousness of it
didn't really come until I started.

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And even with mum's first phone
call asking me to come and work

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here, again, probably didn't really
consider the seriousness of the job.

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And that's just come over time.

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And can you explain a little bit what that
seriousness, seriousness means to you?

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It's probably having the ability to
sit and listen to every person that

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comes through our office and trying to
understand what they're wanting to achieve

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from their funeral, whether it be a church
service, a chapel service, and making sure

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that you listen to what their needs are.

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And I think that takes a long time to work
out how to listen to everyone differently.

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And even amongst a family, you might have
different opinions and it's trying to, to

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wade through what's right, wrong, and come
up with the right answers for everybody.

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And that must be a challenge.

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So how do you navigate that perhaps
conflict that you may see in some

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families that come to you for funerals?

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Say if one party wants one
thing, one party wants another.

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Uh, it is difficult, but I think, and
again, I'll come back to, I think it's

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It's about listening to everybody and then
trying to come up with a fair and positive

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outcome that keeps everybody happy.

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And I think it is
achievable on all funerals.

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Could you give an example, obviously
not mentioning any names, but is

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there any example that comes to
mind where there might have been?

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Perhaps some sort of, you know, minor
conflict or, or difference of opinion

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within a family that you've helped
resolve and come to a positive outcome.

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Probably a family that had a
difference in thoughts between

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burial and cremation was probably
the biggest one that I can remember.

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Yeah, that is quite the difference
of opinion on those two.

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It was significant,

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yes.

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And can I ask what the outcome was?

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Uh, the family chose for
cremation in the end.

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Yeah, okay.

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And obviously between the two
siblings, it was really them

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working out the best way forward
and did take a little while to sort

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that out.

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And was that because there was no
knowledge of, of the deceased's wishes?

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Yes, and I think that comes back to,

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overall, a big portion of society
that don't feel comfortable

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in talking about funerals.

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And I think that's something
we can certainly get better at.

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And in your experience, and, and opinion,
how do you think that we could possibly

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get better at talking about death, Brad?

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00:12:31,295 --> 00:12:39,394
I don't know how, I don't know how we will
get better, and it might not be openly,

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00:12:39,415 --> 00:12:46,185
it might be just people at home making
notes of their wishes, or, and again, I

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00:12:46,245 --> 00:12:51,785
think, Making notes of your life story
is certainly a good thing for families to

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00:12:51,785 --> 00:12:57,295
have at the time of someone's passing in,
in preparing eulogies and tributes, etc.

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So, I don't know how to make
society get better, but I think

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it certainly needs to happen.

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00:13:08,914 --> 00:13:14,495
And tell me, when your mum made that
phone call to you about, Can you

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00:13:14,495 --> 00:13:15,915
come and join the business, Bradley?

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Was, and, and obviously as they became
ill, was there a clear sort of succession

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00:13:24,824 --> 00:13:29,275
plan that they gave to you about how
they wanted the, the business run?

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Or is this just something that you
naturally learnt over the period

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00:13:33,495 --> 00:13:34,874
of time of working with them?

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00:13:36,914 --> 00:13:37,074
There

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00:13:37,094 --> 00:13:45,835
probably wasn't a clear spoken
succession plan, but I will say In my

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first 5 to 10 years of working here,
probably mum more so than dad was very

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hard on me in instilling the things
that she felt were important within

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00:13:58,885 --> 00:14:09,560
the job and probably having that
drilled into me has naturally followed

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00:14:09,560 --> 00:14:11,110
through in a succession plan, I'd say.

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00:14:12,180 --> 00:14:16,050
And what, what were some of those
things that Annette drilled into you?

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00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:21,050
It's funny, I'll come
back to the same things.

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00:14:21,060 --> 00:14:30,669
It's, it's listening to people, giving
your time and, and making sure that

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00:14:30,690 --> 00:14:34,230
every little detail is taken care of.

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00:14:35,090 --> 00:14:36,810
That's probably all the small things that

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00:14:36,810 --> 00:14:37,360
are important.

199
00:14:38,470 --> 00:14:42,330
And what do you think are the small things
in a, in a funeral service that matter?

200
00:14:43,260 --> 00:14:48,460
It could be things some, like quite
simply, you might have An item

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00:14:48,569 --> 00:14:51,260
sitting on top of the coffin beside
the flowers that was special to that

202
00:14:51,260 --> 00:14:56,699
person, or a photo, or just little
things that, that really personalize.

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a service.

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Might be someone singing
or family's doing reading.

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00:15:01,055 --> 00:15:05,715
So it's, it's looking through the
whole service and making sure that

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00:15:05,715 --> 00:15:09,895
every little piece makes sense
to that person and that family.

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00:15:10,865 --> 00:15:14,565
And are there sort of, are there
questions that you ask the family

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00:15:14,574 --> 00:15:18,714
when they, they come to you that
help to personalise that service?

209
00:15:19,375 --> 00:15:25,365
There are a few, but I will say again,
the second step in arrangements is

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00:15:25,435 --> 00:15:29,675
meeting with either a celebrant or a
minister, and that probably picks up

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00:15:31,074 --> 00:15:33,184
more of those bits and pieces as well.

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00:15:33,665 --> 00:15:36,415
But there's certainly questions that
I'll ask about flowers on top of

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00:15:36,415 --> 00:15:42,044
the coffin, any particular sorts,
colors, uh, any items to sit on top

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00:15:42,044 --> 00:15:43,264
of the coffin, those sorts of things.

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00:15:43,264 --> 00:15:45,084
I'm just asking little questions.

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00:15:45,494 --> 00:15:50,425
We had a service in the last
12 months where a lady was.

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00:15:50,764 --> 00:15:51,585
quite crafty.

218
00:15:51,585 --> 00:15:55,594
So we had a display of quilts,
teddy bears, prints, things that

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00:15:55,594 --> 00:15:59,685
she'd made in the chapel, again,
which made it really personalized.

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00:16:00,954 --> 00:16:06,855
And do you, how does that relationship
work with the funeral celebrants, uh,

221
00:16:06,865 --> 00:16:13,914
and the, the minister or, or priests that
it will be responsible for the service?

222
00:16:14,524 --> 00:16:14,814
So.

223
00:16:16,199 --> 00:16:19,480
At the time of making arrangements,
my question to a family is whether

224
00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:23,780
they want the service to be of a
religious or non religious nature.

225
00:16:24,420 --> 00:16:29,190
Once they make that decision, as
part of our job, we will then contact

226
00:16:29,340 --> 00:16:33,970
either the celebrant or minister and
arrange a meeting between the family

227
00:16:33,989 --> 00:16:38,630
and celebrant or minister to take,
uh, take the next step in, in working

228
00:16:38,630 --> 00:16:39,770
through all the service details.

229
00:16:40,680 --> 00:16:45,400
And what are the sort of the things that
they cover that, that you don't cover?

230
00:16:46,660 --> 00:16:51,940
So in some ways they're both very,
very similar, so they will work through

231
00:16:51,970 --> 00:16:57,290
discussing with families what music
they'd like to play in regards to

232
00:16:57,340 --> 00:17:02,159
eulogies and tributes, who would like
to speak doing that, or at a game

233
00:17:02,159 --> 00:17:03,480
with celebrants they'll offer it.

234
00:17:05,430 --> 00:17:08,280
I'll say the service of perhaps
writing the eulogy for the family

235
00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:11,490
and also delivering it any particular
readings, those sorts of things.

236
00:17:11,490 --> 00:17:16,230
So they'll help put together
the content of the service in

237
00:17:16,230 --> 00:17:17,639
either the chapel or the church,

238
00:17:19,220 --> 00:17:22,190
and then picking up after the service.

239
00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:27,859
What happens with your responsibility
or role after the service is completed.

240
00:17:28,605 --> 00:17:34,784
So, following the service, and probably
it's Coral's position more than mine at

241
00:17:34,784 --> 00:17:39,715
the moment, we will contact the family
to discuss, obviously with cremation,

242
00:17:41,875 --> 00:17:47,514
their wishes in placing ashes, taking
them home, purchasing an urn, uh,

243
00:17:47,575 --> 00:17:49,424
with the cemetery, doing a plaque.

244
00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:53,050
And finalize all, all those things.

245
00:17:53,050 --> 00:17:57,510
So we certainly follow up with
families afterwards, probably a week

246
00:17:57,510 --> 00:18:00,240
to two weeks after the funeral just
to make sure they're going okay.

247
00:18:00,540 --> 00:18:02,430
And help finalize those last few things.

248
00:18:03,980 --> 00:18:08,300
And when, sorry, the, the service
itself is, is completed with

249
00:18:08,300 --> 00:18:09,800
the, the funeral celebrant.

250
00:18:09,889 --> 00:18:10,010
Yep.

251
00:18:10,190 --> 00:18:14,900
So you, you are the one that
organizes the transport of the body

252
00:18:14,900 --> 00:18:18,930
to the crematorium or the cemetery?

253
00:18:18,935 --> 00:18:19,395
Cemetery, yep.

254
00:18:19,770 --> 00:18:24,500
So on the day of the funeral, uh, we
have our hearse there, and again, family

255
00:18:24,540 --> 00:18:28,750
traditionally would be involved in
carrying a coffin out, placing in the

256
00:18:28,750 --> 00:18:32,689
hearse, and then we then move either
to the crematorium, which is based at

257
00:18:32,689 --> 00:18:38,179
Traralgon, or to cemeteries, obviously
Sale here or Maffra so, but it would be

258
00:18:38,179 --> 00:18:40,360
the other two closest local cemeteries.

259
00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:44,699
And would you mind talking me
through the process if someone hasn't

260
00:18:44,699 --> 00:18:49,689
experienced a burial before at a
cemetery, what's involved in that?

261
00:18:51,645 --> 00:18:57,415
So probably the first thing with
a burial is once we arrive at the

262
00:18:57,415 --> 00:19:02,545
cemetery, we would have family or family
and friends involved in carrying the

263
00:19:02,555 --> 00:19:04,475
coffin from the hearse to the grave.

264
00:19:05,555 --> 00:19:10,300
The grave is always set up with
a mechanical Lowering device.

265
00:19:10,490 --> 00:19:13,060
So the family then placed the
coffin on top of those straps.

266
00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:19,160
The minister or celebrant will then
work through traditionally quite a

267
00:19:19,180 --> 00:19:20,710
short service there at the cemetery.

268
00:19:21,260 --> 00:19:24,330
And then the final part would
be the lowering of the coffin.

269
00:19:24,869 --> 00:19:29,710
And then again, we then have either
petals or gum leaves, those sorts of

270
00:19:29,710 --> 00:19:33,500
things for families to come forward
and place on the coffin before leaving

271
00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:34,740
and making their way to their wake.

272
00:19:35,925 --> 00:19:40,175
And if someone has chosen to be cremated,
what happens normally at the end of

273
00:19:40,175 --> 00:19:43,205
a service on the day of the funeral?

274
00:19:43,965 --> 00:19:48,745
Given that the crematorium is
based in Traralgon, most families

275
00:19:48,774 --> 00:19:51,145
don't attend to the cremation.

276
00:19:51,555 --> 00:19:56,685
So if we were to have a chapel service
here in sale, the family would be

277
00:19:56,685 --> 00:19:58,185
involved in carrying the coffin out.

278
00:19:58,490 --> 00:19:59,740
to place in the hearse.

279
00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:02,430
We may then have a guard of honour.

280
00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:06,060
The hearse would drive through that
guard of honour and then make its way

281
00:20:06,060 --> 00:20:08,389
to, to Traralgon unattended by family.

282
00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:11,750
And you're referring to chapel.

283
00:20:12,309 --> 00:20:15,799
Is that a religious chapel
or what is that referring to?

284
00:20:16,739 --> 00:20:19,799
So we have a chapel which
is up in Marley Street.

285
00:20:19,830 --> 00:20:21,350
It's a Delbridge funeral chapel.

286
00:20:21,850 --> 00:20:27,505
So from there, predominantly would
be non religious services, but we

287
00:20:27,505 --> 00:20:32,105
certainly do have ministers come and
lead services from there as well.

288
00:20:32,125 --> 00:20:36,284
So obviously being something that
we own, uh, we can to a certain

289
00:20:36,284 --> 00:20:39,805
degree, do whatever we want in
there in with the family's wishes.

290
00:20:40,645 --> 00:20:41,195
Fantastic.

291
00:20:41,205 --> 00:20:45,745
And do you mind talking me through
what happens, I suppose, the bit

292
00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:47,225
that we haven't covered off on?

293
00:20:47,625 --> 00:20:54,254
Is that sort of moment where someone
has died and when you get the first

294
00:20:54,254 --> 00:20:56,014
phone call and what sort of happens?

295
00:20:56,170 --> 00:21:00,560
you know, there, um, before
the actual funeral service.

296
00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:01,090
Yep.

297
00:21:01,110 --> 00:21:05,330
So it can vary depending on
where somebody passes away.

298
00:21:06,360 --> 00:21:10,479
So if they were to pass away in a
hospital, traditionally the hospital

299
00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:18,020
would move the deceased from their bed
to the mortuary, and we then arrange to

300
00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:20,140
pick up the deceased from the hospital.

301
00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:28,070
If the passing is at Either home or a
nursing home, we may get a phone call

302
00:21:29,810 --> 00:21:35,060
pretty much straight away and then
organize to go and actually do a transfer

303
00:21:35,060 --> 00:21:39,390
from nursing home or home within family's
wishes of time, depending on whether

304
00:21:39,390 --> 00:21:42,699
there's someone else there waiting on to
come and say goodbye before we do that.

305
00:21:43,090 --> 00:21:47,750
But certainly can be pretty much straight
away that we do receive that phone call

306
00:21:47,750 --> 00:21:49,180
from either a home or nursing home.

307
00:21:50,410 --> 00:21:50,620
And

308
00:21:50,670 --> 00:21:55,670
then what happens then, Brad,
before, you know, the ceremony?

309
00:21:57,190 --> 00:22:03,069
So once we have somebody here in our
care, we will always organize to, to

310
00:22:03,069 --> 00:22:08,460
get some clothes so we can dress the
deceased and place in the coffin.

311
00:22:09,190 --> 00:22:12,780
Uh, we will then at some point discuss
if family were wishing to have viewings,

312
00:22:13,220 --> 00:22:14,590
which would traditionally be done.

313
00:22:15,055 --> 00:22:16,655
in the days prior to the funeral.

314
00:22:17,035 --> 00:22:21,415
So we always take care of
washing, dressing and placing

315
00:22:21,415 --> 00:22:22,395
deceased in the coffin.

316
00:22:24,215 --> 00:22:28,695
And then is there anything else that
sort of happens between that period

317
00:22:28,695 --> 00:22:32,094
between then and the ceremony at all?

318
00:22:33,374 --> 00:22:37,180
For us, it's It's paperwork.

319
00:22:37,230 --> 00:22:42,820
So application forms for either
the cemetery or crematorium.

320
00:22:43,379 --> 00:22:48,399
We look after the preparation
and printing of the service

321
00:22:48,399 --> 00:22:52,060
booklets and also preparation
of photo presentations as well.

322
00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:57,730
So getting them done, uh, we always
provide proofs to the family to check

323
00:22:57,730 --> 00:23:00,180
off before we finalize everything.

324
00:23:00,230 --> 00:23:04,110
So yeah, it's probably mainly
paperwork and then preparation of.

325
00:23:04,545 --> 00:23:06,265
Booklets and photo presentations.

326
00:23:07,005 --> 00:23:11,525
And I know that with my personal
experience, we've had the

327
00:23:11,525 --> 00:23:13,164
viewing of the body as well.

328
00:23:14,445 --> 00:23:19,034
Uh, certainly again, in my arrangement,
I will check with families if there's

329
00:23:19,035 --> 00:23:21,375
anybody wishing to have a viewing.

330
00:23:21,525 --> 00:23:25,195
As I said, traditionally that's done
in the days, a couple of days prior to

331
00:23:25,195 --> 00:23:28,955
the funeral or the night prior to the
funeral, uh, and again, traditionally done

332
00:23:28,955 --> 00:23:31,005
here at our office in MacArthur Street.

333
00:23:31,005 --> 00:23:32,625
But it certainly is.

334
00:23:34,524 --> 00:23:37,405
a real personal preference on whether
people come for a viewing or not.

335
00:23:38,534 --> 00:23:42,694
And if someone chooses to come for
a viewing and they haven't done a

336
00:23:42,694 --> 00:23:47,565
viewing previously, what can they
expect to see when they arrive here?

337
00:23:49,735 --> 00:23:52,165
Uh, so we have a small
viewing room set up.

338
00:23:52,784 --> 00:23:56,725
We obviously have the
deceased placed in the coffin.

339
00:23:57,665 --> 00:24:00,895
I think for some people it's a
very tough thing to come and do

340
00:24:00,945 --> 00:24:03,255
and a very emotional thing to do.

341
00:24:05,895 --> 00:24:07,864
I think sometimes with illness.

342
00:24:09,260 --> 00:24:13,010
And especially if somebody's lost a
lot of weight, it certainly can be a

343
00:24:13,010 --> 00:24:15,070
difficult thing to come and say goodbye.

344
00:24:15,699 --> 00:24:19,550
But hopefully overall, I think that
once someone does make that decision

345
00:24:19,570 --> 00:24:25,719
that they do want to come and have a
viewing, I think that overall most people

346
00:24:25,719 --> 00:24:28,009
find it a very beneficial thing to do.

347
00:24:30,189 --> 00:24:36,655
And have you ever had any requests
for Uh, funerals at home or the family

348
00:24:36,675 --> 00:24:41,254
wanting the, the body to remain at
home for an extended period of time?

349
00:24:42,504 --> 00:24:49,345
Uh, yes, we have done a few, not many,
but a few funerals at family homes.

350
00:24:49,914 --> 00:24:54,134
We certainly have had somebody
may pass away at home through the

351
00:24:54,134 --> 00:24:58,577
night and families choose to, to
leave their loved one there at

352
00:24:58,577 --> 00:24:59,935
home overnight and have us come.

353
00:25:00,690 --> 00:25:02,280
the next morning to pick up.

354
00:25:02,390 --> 00:25:05,560
So, yes for both.

355
00:25:05,710 --> 00:25:11,469
Um, overall, not a huge number of either.

356
00:25:12,550 --> 00:25:17,659
And have you ever had requests for
interesting coffins or interesting

357
00:25:17,879 --> 00:25:19,720
clothes to dress people in?

358
00:25:19,839 --> 00:25:20,159
Probably

359
00:25:22,540 --> 00:25:25,300
not a lot in regards
to interesting clothes.

360
00:25:25,330 --> 00:25:30,885
Probably my advice to anybody would be
is to dress their loved one in something

361
00:25:30,885 --> 00:25:35,185
that they feel was them, whether that be
something comfortable, something formal.

362
00:25:35,325 --> 00:25:39,465
So not a whole lot, uh, on the
interesting side with clothes.

363
00:25:40,635 --> 00:25:44,875
I think with coffins,
They continue to change.

364
00:25:45,865 --> 00:25:50,965
Probably one of the biggest changes
has been the vinyl wrap type coffins

365
00:25:50,965 --> 00:25:55,995
where people can design things
or choose flowers or cars and,

366
00:25:56,005 --> 00:25:58,504
and really personalize a coffin.

367
00:25:58,504 --> 00:26:01,205
Again, we haven't had lots, but I
think probably the vinyl wrap style

368
00:26:01,205 --> 00:26:03,574
coffins, uh, one of the biggest changes.

369
00:26:03,575 --> 00:26:03,804
Yeah.

370
00:26:04,564 --> 00:26:04,874
Wow.

371
00:26:04,874 --> 00:26:08,354
And how long have they been sort
of in the market in an option?

372
00:26:09,735 --> 00:26:09,945
Good

373
00:26:09,945 --> 00:26:10,495
question.

374
00:26:10,685 --> 00:26:19,054
Uh, probably around 10 years thereabouts,
but I'd say probably the last five

375
00:26:19,054 --> 00:26:23,094
years or so people have been starting
to feel more comfortable in doing

376
00:26:23,105 --> 00:26:29,164
different things, I think, because
I think it's a very, it's a very

377
00:26:29,164 --> 00:26:30,934
traditional type industry, I think.

378
00:26:32,815 --> 00:26:36,510
And tell me, You know, you're
married with two children.

379
00:26:37,110 --> 00:26:40,810
How does your family feel about
being the local funeral director?

380
00:26:45,139 --> 00:26:54,259
To be honest, the kids know no different,
so I don't think it, it doesn't,

381
00:26:54,259 --> 00:26:57,919
certainly doesn't bother them in any way.

382
00:26:58,710 --> 00:27:00,039
And what ages are they again?

383
00:27:00,609 --> 00:27:02,340
18 and 14.

384
00:27:03,250 --> 00:27:07,190
Okay, so it would have come up as
an issue for the 18 year old by now,

385
00:27:07,190 --> 00:27:08,360
if that was going to be the case.

386
00:27:08,360 --> 00:27:09,450
I would think so, yes.

387
00:27:09,480 --> 00:27:10,800
So no, it certainly doesn't bother them.

388
00:27:11,089 --> 00:27:15,509
They're comfortable talking about
work, certainly not something we don't

389
00:27:15,509 --> 00:27:18,180
discuss, but it certainly doesn't
bother them or upset them in any way.

390
00:27:19,219 --> 00:27:24,219
And has your role affected
your conversations that you

391
00:27:24,219 --> 00:27:25,909
have with them about death?

392
00:27:26,449 --> 00:27:29,119
Is there been any impact
in the family home?

393
00:27:29,930 --> 00:27:31,300
by what you do for a job?

394
00:27:34,570 --> 00:27:35,300
I don't think,

395
00:27:36,110 --> 00:27:42,480
I don't think any impact, probably
if anything, and again go back

396
00:27:42,480 --> 00:27:44,289
to my childhood and the, the

397
00:27:47,670 --> 00:27:54,369
less frequency of holidays, I think it's
probably continued on to our family, but I

398
00:27:54,370 --> 00:27:55,609
certainly don't think it's impacted them.

399
00:27:56,920 --> 00:27:57,940
in a negative way.

400
00:27:59,140 --> 00:28:03,679
And in a, in a way that could be
positive, the conversations about

401
00:28:04,050 --> 00:28:06,850
death, are they open conversations?

402
00:28:06,850 --> 00:28:11,889
Have you talked about planning for,
you know, when, when death does occur?

403
00:28:13,419 --> 00:28:19,180
Uh, we certainly don't talk about
planning, but I think in a positive

404
00:28:19,180 --> 00:28:26,080
way, you might hear at a funeral, uh, a
funny story or just an interesting thing

405
00:28:26,080 --> 00:28:27,350
that somebody has done in their life.

406
00:28:28,010 --> 00:28:32,575
And I'll certainly when I go home, if
I, I think that that's appropriate.

407
00:28:32,955 --> 00:28:34,205
I'd certainly share that with them.

408
00:28:36,965 --> 00:28:37,475
And what

409
00:28:37,485 --> 00:28:40,754
challenges do you face as a
regional funeral director?

410
00:28:44,595 --> 00:28:50,405
Probably the biggest challenge
is, is the challenge of knowing

411
00:28:50,405 --> 00:28:54,614
people and just that emotional side
of dealing with people you know.

412
00:28:56,474 --> 00:28:58,485
But that challenge
certainly does then have.

413
00:28:58,860 --> 00:29:01,729
the reward in looking
after your people you know.

414
00:29:01,770 --> 00:29:04,850
So it's a, it is a very unique one.

415
00:29:04,850 --> 00:29:07,790
So probably the biggest challenge is
dealing with people, you know, and looking

416
00:29:07,790 --> 00:29:12,270
after people, you know, but that certainly
does have a positive side as well.

417
00:29:15,070 --> 00:29:18,289
And we've touched a little bit,
obviously on the conversations

418
00:29:18,289 --> 00:29:20,269
you've had in your own family, but.

419
00:29:20,804 --> 00:29:24,334
Prior, when you were, prior to being
involved in the business and when

420
00:29:24,334 --> 00:29:29,844
you were growing up, when, did you
have conversations about your, your

421
00:29:29,844 --> 00:29:32,324
parents, about their death and dying?

422
00:29:32,875 --> 00:29:37,895
What was the, what was the kitchen table
conversations in the lead household?

423
00:29:39,315 --> 00:29:45,435
It certainly wasn't, it certainly
wasn't funeral based conversations.

424
00:29:47,055 --> 00:29:53,764
And again, I'll come back to, I think
that overall the funeral industry isn't

425
00:29:53,764 --> 00:29:59,315
spoken about a lot because of maybe
the, um, the uncomfortable nature of it.

426
00:29:59,455 --> 00:30:01,465
So we certainly didn't discuss it a lot.

427
00:30:01,945 --> 00:30:08,895
And even once I started here, certainly
before Mum and Dad were unwell,

428
00:30:08,905 --> 00:30:14,025
we certainly didn't discuss their
wishes either, which is interesting.

429
00:30:16,605 --> 00:30:19,735
And did that make things
more challenging for you?

430
00:30:20,635 --> 00:30:22,995
Because I'm assuming you had
to organize their funerals.

431
00:30:25,045 --> 00:30:28,755
Yes, I did arrange and look after
both Mum and Dad's funerals.

432
00:30:30,530 --> 00:30:40,020
Uh, the conversation with mum regarding
hers, she certainly gave, gave me all

433
00:30:40,030 --> 00:30:46,170
of her wishes, but that was probably
in the last fortnight of her life.

434
00:30:46,800 --> 00:30:50,880
So that's how close we were to, to that,
but I certainly did get all her wishes.

435
00:30:52,760 --> 00:30:53,720
And with your father?

436
00:30:56,220 --> 00:30:58,020
Uh, in some ways, mum and
dad were very different.

437
00:30:58,650 --> 00:31:03,250
Uh, dad certainly didn't give.

438
00:31:04,590 --> 00:31:07,780
Lots of instruction about
his funeral as such.

439
00:31:08,380 --> 00:31:13,310
He did, he actually did spend quite
a bit of time with a celebrant

440
00:31:13,470 --> 00:31:17,864
that he knew quite well and gave
a lot of his life story to her.

441
00:31:18,325 --> 00:31:20,585
in the last couple of years of his life.

442
00:31:20,965 --> 00:31:24,565
And sadly for dad, his passing
was through COVID time.

443
00:31:24,565 --> 00:31:28,285
So obviously we had restrictions
on numbers, uh, like many

444
00:31:28,285 --> 00:31:29,925
other families through that.

445
00:31:29,925 --> 00:31:34,555
So that did sort of restrict what
we could do with his funeral.

446
00:31:35,075 --> 00:31:40,415
But certainly I certainly felt for dad
with live streaming and again, lots of

447
00:31:40,415 --> 00:31:43,225
families were affected by COVID times.

448
00:31:43,285 --> 00:31:45,815
I thought that with live
streaming, we were able to share

449
00:31:46,035 --> 00:31:47,375
his story, which was important.

450
00:31:47,765 --> 00:31:52,165
But in different ways, they both did give
some instruction, didn't instructions,

451
00:31:52,315 --> 00:31:54,735
but probably less from dad than mum.

452
00:31:56,575 --> 00:32:03,205
And what do you find that families find
the most challenging aspects of arranging

453
00:32:03,205 --> 00:32:05,305
a funeral or when a loved one has died?

454
00:32:08,345 --> 00:32:12,395
The obvious one of just dealing with loss.

455
00:32:13,995 --> 00:32:21,115
I think, I think a couple of the
most challenging things are putting

456
00:32:21,115 --> 00:32:27,820
together somebody's life story and I
think choosing photos for your photo

457
00:32:27,820 --> 00:32:34,060
presentation because it's hard to
condense somebody's life to 80 or 100

458
00:32:34,080 --> 00:32:37,840
photos and a 5 to 10 minute eulogy.

459
00:32:38,450 --> 00:32:46,940
And I think also with the eulogy, the
time of loss, sometimes it's very hard to

460
00:32:47,300 --> 00:32:52,730
remember all those little stories or dates
when they went to school or things that

461
00:32:52,730 --> 00:32:58,070
they did because I think just naturally
you're not functioning correctly.

462
00:33:00,070 --> 00:33:06,280
And what have you seen in your experience
when people haven't planned or they

463
00:33:06,330 --> 00:33:08,780
don't know the wishes of a loved one?

464
00:33:09,040 --> 00:33:10,410
What impact has that had?

465
00:33:14,750 --> 00:33:19,170
I think it can have a small impact.

466
00:33:20,395 --> 00:33:26,145
But I'd hope that after my meeting
and making those arrangements, we

467
00:33:26,395 --> 00:33:32,035
can work through what the right
decisions are, point them in the

468
00:33:32,035 --> 00:33:36,735
right direction with a, almost a list
of things that they will need to do.

469
00:33:37,685 --> 00:33:38,675
And then I think we're right.

470
00:33:39,520 --> 00:33:43,910
But it's all from my first meeting or
my first arrangement with the family.

471
00:33:45,550 --> 00:33:52,250
If there is indecision, for me, it's maybe
taking a little bit more time to work

472
00:33:52,260 --> 00:33:57,790
through what their options are and making
sure that they make the right decisions.

473
00:34:00,240 --> 00:34:05,150
And from your personal experience,
how do you suggest people can support

474
00:34:05,150 --> 00:34:07,980
someone who has just had a loved one die?

475
00:34:12,500 --> 00:34:16,850
For me, I think, I think being yourself.

476
00:34:18,705 --> 00:34:19,945
is important.

477
00:34:20,535 --> 00:34:25,705
And I think to a certain degree,
maintaining the same sort of

478
00:34:25,715 --> 00:34:28,865
friendship is important as well.

479
00:34:29,465 --> 00:34:35,425
Because I think sometimes when
you're going through a loss, just

480
00:34:35,445 --> 00:34:41,965
being normal for a while can be a
good thing because it's very tough.

481
00:34:42,400 --> 00:34:43,070
To lose someone.

482
00:34:43,070 --> 00:34:48,580
So, I think maintaining your same
friendship and the person you are,

483
00:34:48,620 --> 00:34:50,100
just keeping that is important.

484
00:34:53,260 --> 00:34:57,130
Has there been any incidents
where it's actually influenced

485
00:34:57,130 --> 00:34:58,300
your thoughts on death?

486
00:35:01,880 --> 00:35:02,570
Probably.

487
00:35:03,110 --> 00:35:12,335
Uh, but to a certain degree, I think,
I think for me It's a fine line

488
00:35:12,335 --> 00:35:19,955
on how much you take on board, so
it might be looking after funerals

489
00:35:19,955 --> 00:35:28,285
of younger people or close family
friends can become quite confronting,

490
00:35:29,675 --> 00:35:33,145
but I think it's finding the line.

491
00:35:33,860 --> 00:35:37,980
where to stop thinking about that
too much and impacting your life.

492
00:35:38,390 --> 00:35:44,350
Because I think if you let it, it
could probably become a negative

493
00:35:44,370 --> 00:35:45,730
thing for a funeral director.

494
00:35:47,070 --> 00:35:51,130
And what do you do to, to make
sure that that line stays in place?

495
00:35:51,130 --> 00:35:51,479
It's

496
00:35:52,960 --> 00:35:54,280
a very difficult one.

497
00:35:54,350 --> 00:36:02,100
Um, across the course of time,
I've found going to watch the kids

498
00:36:02,100 --> 00:36:05,010
play sport is probably for me.

499
00:36:07,430 --> 00:36:09,860
the best way to switch my
mind off for a little while.

500
00:36:12,420 --> 00:36:15,320
Well, I'm glad you've got something
that allows you to do that.

501
00:36:16,300 --> 00:36:20,670
And have you done anything yourself
to actually plan for your own death?

502
00:36:20,670 --> 00:36:24,249
Uh, no, no,

503
00:36:30,390 --> 00:36:31,190
is the short answer.

504
00:36:31,880 --> 00:36:32,060
It's

505
00:36:32,180 --> 00:36:33,910
okay, Bradley, you're not the only one.

506
00:36:37,200 --> 00:36:38,080
No, I haven't.

507
00:36:38,450 --> 00:36:43,010
Given your personal experience, is
there any advice or encouragement

508
00:36:43,010 --> 00:36:44,640
you'd like to share with others?

509
00:36:48,680 --> 00:36:53,090
In contradiction to what I've
just said about myself, I think,

510
00:36:55,050 --> 00:36:57,860
I think planning is important.

511
00:36:58,140 --> 00:37:05,625
I think it's It's helpful for families
to know choices between burial

512
00:37:05,635 --> 00:37:10,935
or cremation, where leaving notes
on your life story could be done.

513
00:37:10,985 --> 00:37:11,915
I think that's helpful.

514
00:37:12,875 --> 00:37:17,865
Uh, so I think probably planning is
the best thing that people can do.

515
00:37:17,865 --> 00:37:18,204
Yeah,

516
00:37:20,085 --> 00:37:22,035
you know I'm going to ask this question.

517
00:37:23,005 --> 00:37:25,855
So given everything we've just discussed.

518
00:37:26,265 --> 00:37:28,635
What do you think is the one
thing that stopped you from

519
00:37:28,635 --> 00:37:29,795
planning for your own death?

520
00:37:30,115 --> 00:37:30,215
It's

521
00:37:37,695 --> 00:37:38,325
probably

522
00:37:43,085 --> 00:37:45,545
knowing what the right thing to do is.

523
00:37:46,075 --> 00:38:01,275
For myself, I would probably say it's
knowing whether to have a service.

524
00:38:04,905 --> 00:38:11,505
I find myself, I'm a very private
person and probably don't like to talk

525
00:38:11,515 --> 00:38:15,615
about myself, certainly don't like my
photos taken, those sorts of things.

526
00:38:15,615 --> 00:38:25,935
So I find for me, the thought of somebody
talking about me and looking at photos of

527
00:38:25,935 --> 00:38:30,759
my life doesn't feel quite right for me.

528
00:38:32,710 --> 00:38:42,000
But that probably just doesn't fit
the right mold in helping others to

529
00:38:42,000 --> 00:38:42,480
grieve.

530
00:38:44,500 --> 00:38:46,600
That was going to be my next question.

531
00:38:47,280 --> 00:38:55,460
Given that, you know, with what you
see, the role of ritual and ceremony

532
00:38:55,560 --> 00:39:04,220
plays in the grieving process, do you
think a funeral or a service is, uh, an

533
00:39:04,220 --> 00:39:07,110
important part of the grieving process?

534
00:39:11,840 --> 00:39:13,570
Yes, it is.

535
00:39:13,660 --> 00:39:14,200
Uh,

536
00:39:18,090 --> 00:39:19,700
in some ways, probably,

537
00:39:22,730 --> 00:39:27,120
I would say, probably the funerals,
a funeral service is more about

538
00:39:28,260 --> 00:39:30,150
the living than the deceased.

539
00:39:35,945 --> 00:39:38,985
And tell me, is there anything else
you'd like to share at all, Bradley?

540
00:39:43,245 --> 00:39:45,815
Uh, yeah, I, overall,

541
00:39:50,255 --> 00:39:59,325
even now, after 20 plus years for
me, I still find it a, a real honour

542
00:39:59,365 --> 00:40:01,895
and privilege that people choose us.

543
00:40:03,925 --> 00:40:11,215
To look after their loved one and
ensure that the funeral or the send

544
00:40:11,215 --> 00:40:13,535
off is, is what they would want.

545
00:40:13,875 --> 00:40:18,415
So it is still now a real
honour and privilege to look

546
00:40:18,415 --> 00:40:19,735
after every funeral we do.

547
00:40:21,935 --> 00:40:25,885
There's not a lot of people
that can say that they find

548
00:40:25,915 --> 00:40:27,815
their, their job is a privilege.

549
00:40:27,995 --> 00:40:31,384
So, yeah, especially after 20 years.

550
00:40:31,745 --> 00:40:33,585
I know, I feel like a
dinosaur when I say that.

551
00:40:34,035 --> 00:40:34,855
And not at all.

552
00:40:35,835 --> 00:40:38,055
Yeah, it is, it is,

553
00:40:42,845 --> 00:40:46,095
it is a very important job because I think

554
00:40:50,395 --> 00:40:58,905
making sure that things go correctly
can shape how people move forward

555
00:40:58,915 --> 00:41:00,485
with their lives after a loss.

556
00:41:02,275 --> 00:41:08,485
So I think it is important making sure
that things are done right in helping

557
00:41:08,485 --> 00:41:10,455
people to move forward in a positive way.

558
00:41:13,675 --> 00:41:16,635
Thank you so much for sharing
with us today, Bradley.

559
00:41:16,635 --> 00:41:17,865
I really appreciate it.

560
00:41:19,005 --> 00:41:19,325
You're most welcome.

561
00:41:19,435 --> 00:41:21,225
A good spot to, uh, to end on.

562
00:41:21,485 --> 00:41:21,845
Lovely.

563
00:41:21,885 --> 00:41:22,315
Very good.

564
00:41:22,475 --> 00:41:22,885
Thank you.

565
00:41:23,400 --> 00:41:24,150
Thank you, Bradley.

566
00:41:26,070 --> 00:41:29,490
We hope you enjoyed today's
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567
00:41:29,790 --> 00:41:31,560
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568
00:41:32,300 --> 00:41:36,560
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569
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